Free "fucking" Fall!

When your mind is fucked up by the thought of her, wondering how it was nothing but fuck and slowly, over time, it became more than fuck and at the same time, fucking became making love and the journey within the making love included fucking, going back and forth, losing breaths, missing heartbeats, lost in sensory perceptions, heaving together, sighing together until you are so fucked, you don’t exist and she doesn’t exist, both bodies hanging and floating in mid air, and as you stare into her closed eyes, in that moment, it suddenly dawns on you, she has fucked your heart like no one has, ever, and a deep immersing wave showers you with the realization that in this crazy game, you both have fucked each other to such an extent that the rest of non-fucking moments is going to be so-fucking horrible reminding you of this fucking moment that has made you experience ecstasy, feel the soul, stretch your bodies to its limit yet feel full in every way, a wave that finally eclipses all kinds of needs buried before only to sow an even greater undeniable need, that of her, for the rest of your fucking life that you might have to spend without fucking her, making you realize how fucked up your life is and how many other lives you are fucking along with hers, unintentionally in the first fuck and intentionally in every subsequent fuck, losing yourself more, needing her fuck in every nerve, pretending to be a fucking good guy until you are sucked back into the fucking game with her, indulging with more vigor, not knowing what the fucking point is, yet knowing it makes all the other fucking shit going in your life bearable, not giving a fuck about society, family, and all the fucking bastards who offered advise without having a fucking clue, “fuck them”, “Fuck her”, this time with anger for making you a fucking dependable animal on her, for making you feel the loss of her engulfing smell while she is wrapped around you, for making you feel like, you are all the fuck that matters to her, for meaning her words in every thrust and for proving her heart by making each fuck unbelievable , never saying no and always feeling more than you can ever handle, more than you ever wanted to handle until you sink deep down in your self only to scream aloud but stifled inside your throat like a fucked up moron whose heart is split, silencing all the fucking desires, trying to forget all the fucking memories , suddenly not knowing what was your old fucking self before her and the pain of ripped heart splintering through you, swarming you with an ache, sinking you in an abyss, plunging you in moral quandary, not wanting you to raise the question of how can this be wrong when it feels so right, evaluate what should be done, what can be done, not having the courage to bury the old, accept the new, not sure if you would want that old when this new turns old, but knowing she has fucked you up totally and trying to make sense of all this fucked up emotions which was never there before, never experienced before that even after months of trying to be fuck-sober , she rises in your heart in un-fucking moments giving you a panic attack, making you unstable, bleeding for those fucking-times of smiling together, holding together, aching together ending in blissful-complete-moments, making you cry for that one thing she gave you more than all the fucks put together!

She LOVED you for who you are, as you are and now you know, so do you!

She finally gave the ROYAL FUCK of it all, without fucking, when she left you!

Art, not for the sake of Artiste?

From Michael Jackson to Mel Gibson, Borat to Michael Richards, should you judge their creations because of the shortcomings in them?

Do you stop buying MJ’s CD’s because you believe he could be a child molester?

Do you stop watching Mel Gibson’s movies because he is anti-Semitic?

Do you stop laughing at Michael Richards jokes in Seinfeld because he thinks less of African-Americans?

Where does one draw the line? The immediate reaction is of NO. I love “Beat it”. Why would I not listen to it? Brave heart is one of my favourite movies. Why can’t I enjoy a creation of art for the sake of Art? Who am I to judge someone else? But the moment you think you are enabling someone by paying for their skill, who, then uses that money to do horrible things, where do you stand morally, ethically as a human being?

If Nike makes soccer balls employing kids in Pakistan, do you PAY for that merchandise? If a diamond has been bought in a conflict zone which has the blood of poor miners, do you not care and pay thousands for them? You cannot stop the whole world but you can always say NO from your end, within your circle of influence. Granted you may not know all the hands an item has exchanged before buying it, but once you know, it matters what you do with that information. There was an “extrapolated” ad a few years ago to tell us, if you buy gas, you are enabling the Sheiks, who enable the terrorists, so stop filling gas. NOW, that is extreme activism. I wouldn’t go to that extent. But you do have a choice.

Perhaps the bigger question is “Why relate related-things in unrelated activities?” Say, Sports and Politics. Should we allow India and Pakistan to play Cricket when our soldiers are fighting the very country in the border? It may not matter so much to me but if I had my brother in Army fighting in Kashmir, putting his life on the line for the country, while a bunch of civilians want to enjoy Sachin hitting Shoaib Akhtar for a six, it belittles and makes his sacrifice and the sacrifice of thousands of lives less meaningful.

Like everything else, if the insult is directed at me/my country, then you decide to take some action. If Mel Gibson had said, “Stupid...f***king Indians!”, I wouldn’t be caring to question whether I should be watching his movies or not. But when it he curses about some other race, if you don’t join them in their protest, how long would it take for him to move to the next? If you don’t punish the artiste by ignoring his art, especially artistes with influence, you could be next on their list!

Maybe it’s time to sacrifice our few moments of pleasure in arts for the greater good of generations to come!

GURU-Music Review

5.30am. Bangalore. India.
Eyes wide open. Sitting in the edge of my bed after committing a merciless murder. The death of an innocent cockroach which was trying to climb into my PJ’s looking for a warm space which it definitely would have found had it not been for my quick thinking on the feet (pun intended ofcourse) that wanted to test the strength of this tiny insect which is supposed to have survived the stomping of Dinosaurs. Not True. It died instantly.

The Audio CD of GURU that I had purchased yesterday from Landmark was staring at me, taunting me with the question,”Are you a true Rahmaniac not listening to me even after six hours of purchasing me? “. I was seriously having a conversation with the CD explaining the fact that ever since I arrived in India, am still trying to find my personal space and it was because of that I had ignored it for few hours and it should not judge me for the genuine lapse. I was glad it finally understood. I don’t want to be counted as a traitor (such feelings are common when someone wakes up so early when he has never done that before in years).

The disappointing trailer of GURU made me depressed wondering, ”Another Mani failure in Hindi ?”. But I know I will never change camps based on box office but only based on heart-office(Nenja Nakkitta pa- You almost licked my chest with that sentiment-translation for the tamil-handicapped). I popped the CD in my laptop after making a quick decision not to tinker with iTunes to load in my iPOD (where else can I boast I bought a new 60GB-iPOD-Woohooo-it ROCKS).

Awaiting with bated breath for the GURU experience. Mani-Rahman-Gulzar combo after Dil Se. Let the Journey begin!

First Song. Hmmm…Nanna Re..Nanna Re..fast beat..hummable so quickly..surprising. Rahman songs usually take about 4 or 5 listening to actually get into your system. Shreya Ghosal singing with joy. I can sense the attitude.Nice…lots of drums…Rahman SOP (Standard Operating Procedure)…beautiful percussion..predictable..which makes it sweet…since I have been missing the familiar Rahman signatures…wow..the song…is changing tracks going up and down..like Saawariya from Swades song…okay..the Nanna Re..Nanna Re..is getting to me…Clear crisp Na..Re..repeatable rhyme. Song over.Feeling good.

Second Song. I read in the CD insert that this song called “Tera Bina” is dedicated to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan by Rahman, remembering our maestro’s association with the maestro from other side of the border. I still remember that album and especially that line “Rishthe banthe hain badi mushkil se..lekin tootene keliye bas ek hi lamha”(Relationships happen with so much difficulty but it only takes a moment to break it..awesome line).So, the expectations are high. Let me see.

Mind-blowing start. “Dum Dare Dum Dare..Mast Mast..dara..Dum Dare Dum Dare ..ohh hum dum”. WOW! I am able to hum it in the first line itself. A familiar tune but sooo lovable and gets into your system instantly sounding fresh. I love the chorus of Dum Dare. The interlude is starting with Sa Re Ga ma..typical..quintessential Rahman.I am swaying..slowly..unconsciously…moving from left to right..and moving back and forth..moving my hands..animatedly…ohh the dum dare..again..niceee…a sitar interlude..the background..aaaah..chorus..and a different sound of a rajasthani lady like voice..lending rawness..Rahman has sung this…only he can sing like this….the song is changing track without losing the flow..engulfing you in all-encompassing-beats…simple..tune..beautiful rhythm..once again familiar tune..but the interludes and percussion in the middle making it a worthy tribute indeed…this Album is heating up..really good..let me go to the next one.

Okay. Starting like a dialogue.BHAM! A real heavy clean bang on the drums.I know this song has been sung by Bappi Lahiri the Disco king of 80’s. I loved Bappi Lahiri music and his clothes too for those who try to put him down by his wardrobe collection. IT IS COOL! Whoa! Joye..Joyee…sound in beginning. Another repeatable line humming. This is the third song with that same kind of lyric-style. Maybe it’s a concerted effort on the part of Gulzar-Rahman-Mani to have this on all songs. Let me move on with the song. Ohh..one more repeatable line..”Yammo..Yammo le”. Sounds like Abhishek is selling something in the movie for this song as is evident from the lyrics. Amazing interlude. Simple strings. Talking to different people in the lyric.I didn’t knew Bappi can sing so well. I am glad they didn’t make Abhishek sing for this song. Another repeatable line “Joyyein..Joyyein..”. Lots of chorus. Sounding naughty. Chitra jumping in.She is sounding so young. Bappi singing like talking but doing a great job as he breaks into tune seamlessly. “Yammo..Yammo le” is getting addictive now.Song over. Short and sweet. There seems to be a theme emerging in this album. Moving to next one.

Song is called Mayya Mayya. In the CD Insert Mallika Sherawat is shown for this song with Arabic costume (Nice Choice. Keeping up with Mani’s lucky charm of one item number song with hot actress). I think this song would probably come in the movie when Ambani went to work in Turkey in oil fields.Sung by Maryem Toller, maybe Turkish singer.Sublime heavy beat.Haunting Flute in background.Sounding familiar. The violin is reminding me of Thiruda Thiruda(Chor Chor). Ohh…no..the interlude dialogue sounding like Dil Se-Tu Hi Re..but..still lovely…I can think of Rahman bits from so many songs..but who cares..it is flowing..beautifully..i am dancing to the rhythm….omg..Rahman..songs are rarely so likeable in first listening..guess he is going all out…the trailer music coming inbetween..”arree malida..malida..”..beat picking up..in speed..with “maiyya..maiyya..”…a mini symphony going on..in the interlude with fast dialogue..and ..the colossal of instruments..all playing together in synchronous..fashion..with high pitch..ending..followed by haunting flute….WOWWWW! I think I am going to be listening to the mini-jugalbandi between instruments in the end for a long time while driving to work…Rahman has not experimented much and I LIKEEEE it but at same time..brought his signature in all songs…Next one…please…

After all the dhoom-dham..this song begins with a simple shehnai sound..(okay am not a musician..so if the the instruments are wrong..let me know)..wait a second..i have heard this…damn..it sounds almost like the “Poongodiyin punnagai..” song from Iruvar(another Maniratnam classic in tamil about two political rivals)..neway..just the starting bit..with a typical Rahman synthesizer..the one that comes in “Azhagiya cinderella” song from another Rahman tamil movie…another repeating line..”Aye..Hairathe Aashique..”…Hariharan…its got to be him..looking at the CD..Yes..it is Hariharan and Alka Yagnik…Ghazal style..niceee pause in the song…with a crisp clear tabla..kooooool….slow..swaying..with.. “Dum Dare “ repeating line from third song…coming in this song….with slight change..cute…okay..70’s style…interlude..interesting…going back to standard beat..Alka Yagnik..playing with Hariharan through the song..looks like the Hero and Heroine are playfully romancing..in the movie..the pause in the song..makes ur heart skip a beat..”Dum Dare..” humming with the Shehnai(or maybe clarinet..i think it is clarinet)…the song getting in the same tune even in third para..Alka surprising is elevating the song with nice elongation of words..Hari is doing the same..cute…beautiful melody..and Rahman singing DumDare..sounding good..now..the Dum Dare line being sung half by Rahman and Alka..and ending….good..not great..heard before..sounds like the “Naina..Naina..milaike…” from Saathiya..

Udit Narayan is singing this one called ”Baazi Laga”…sounds like music from 70’s…the ones where bunch of guys go in scooter and sing with women sitting behind…different flavor..lots of chorus..Udit sounding..happy..as usual..in this song..talking about money..the clarinet is sounding like blues..music..familiar tune..this maybe my least favourite in songs so far..but then..knowing Rahman..after 6 or 7 listening I would be hooked to the interludes..okay the song is picking up beautifully..some little boy singing “lalalalaa”…could be Udit’s son..who knows..standard tune..even though it sounds fresh..okar..the crescendo..rising now..and ending with a bang..okay..song..for now..

Last song…should be a slow one..since I sense there is a pattern here..yes..slow one..keyboard..ohh..beautiful…lyric..saying..
“We are awake for such a long time..let us..sleep for a while..
There is little darkness left..let the morning rise..
The half unfinished dream could not be completed…
Let us sleep one more time to finish that incomplete dream…”(literal translation..it sounds like metaphor for low point in life..in the story..)

Wonderful…Big Sad Chorus..Humming…engulfing you in epic proportions…Music talking all the emotions..making me sad..Mani is going to crush me with this song…tugging at my heart…the sound of Iruvar..when Prakash Raj talks..in the interlude.. ohhh…Rahman now singing the same…more slowly…making me choke in the throat…high pitch…same lines…wow..i can sense the epicness of this movie..with the those moving lines..being sung like a National Anthem…My expectations have gone through the roof..listening to this…about this movie..maybe another “Nayagan” ? I really wish…it is…I pray it is…Big chorus..of the tune..with “aah..ahhh” sound…symphony style..sad music…WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! What an END to the Album! Certainly the USP song of the movie when I come out of the theatre I think. Abhishek probably dies with Aish. Reminds me of “Thenpandi Seemaiyile” song..from Nayagan..where the entire movie flashes before he dies. I am assuming pretty much the same happens here.

Now..all I have to do..is wait for the movie to see how the other Genius (Mani ofcourse) has interpreted these songs…That’s it folks..buy the original CD..i hate to see Rahman losing his hard work in illegally downloaded songs and pirated cd’s. If you are true fan of Rahman, that’s the only way you show your loyalty. Cheers!

ET to ER!

You never know when it hits you. A whiff of earthy sand? Gentle caress of frail cold breeze? Silent pause in your favourite movie as two lips melts in each other? Or the extended humming in the interlude of a haunting melody?

There are all kinds of Emotional Triggers(ET) that swarm you into Emotional Restlessness(ER)!

When the trigger is pulled, it’s like the sudden spilling of open paint boxes on your psyche. The rope called sanity that you were holding until then slips through your fingers. The heart gets congested with flooding memories that you thought you had escaped from. Breaths begin to fall stumbling one after another, irregularly, as your mind gets gripped by an unknown ache that you know so well. You can see yourself falling from the skyscraper in slow motion with only one way to go…DOWN!

Maybe they are emotional black holes that lurks deep inside us moving from one ventricle to another, until the emotional trigger shoots them, causing our heart to shrink sucking our feelings of happiness in an instant. You feel the internal heaviness as you become restless and replay old memories, lost opportunities and hopelessness as a unique cocktail of all of these emotions in different proportions are served, each time. You begin to dodge these landmines and tread carefully in each of your activity for the next few days. You stop listening to music. You stop going to that particular place. You avoid talking to certain people. You shut your self until you feel normal again.

If Life is made of moments, then each moving experience, plants a trigger in us. A ticking time bomb. You never know, when, one of them will blow up and make you restless. While some of them last only a few minutes, there are this special feeder bombs that take hostage of your entire day or even weeks by feeding on our weaknesses, desires, dreams and our uncanny ability to imagine idyllic possibilities. It’s a hook, line and sinker with no control!

The wiser ones say time heals. You certainly hope time gives us acceptance, if not, clarity. Maybe the culprit is choices or the lack of courage to exercise any of them. Either way, you just hope this process of cleansing in painful overwhelming of ER eliminates the power of feeder bombs and leads us to a place where you are less immune to ET.

Peace in the knowledge of self! Peace in our actions! Realizing that, it is futile to succumb in emotional quagmire by making someone a priority when you are just an option for them! Realizing that it is futile to regret, when we can choose to move on and be happy! When you have hit the bottom, there is only one way to go. UP!

Window of Offensive Opportunity!

“I have seen it done better!”

A Sly remark. Unjust. Unwarranted. Quick. Sharp. Your nerves boil in an instant. Just when you thought you could stand that person, they had to make you feel unskilled, incapable, unworthy and above all, disrespected. While your mind is blanking out with these thoughts, the offender has moved on to next item on their list. The conversation has moved on. You just lost your “Window” to get back. You lost your “Window” to ask “How can you? “. You lost your “Window” to say “How Dare You?”

Maybe you are not accustomed to being rude to someone. Perhaps you have the tenacity to stay above the fray. Maybe it's your inability to come back quickly with a witty comment or equally offending statement. I am sure you even tried using that “window” of opportunity once but it back-fired big time since you had only one repartee in your bag. And the verbal attacker made sure the rest of the argument is about your response than the original insult.

More often than not, these verbal attacks come from family and friends. Peers and superiors have a different way of bullying but it is the close ones that hurt the most. When you let a verbal abuse slide with reasoning like love, age, respect, it wrecks your peace of mind, self esteem and self respect. You are squirming all day inside replaying those dialogues. And worse, you say YES to all those things that you wanted to say NO with them. The pile of frustrations and disappointments mount and one day, you burst out “F*** OFF!”, when all they said was “I thought you didn’t like coffee!”

Instead, if you get back within that window of few seconds, quickly and immediately, protecting your self respect with verbal self defense, then you take control of your life. You don’t pile the shit. You clean the mess, then and there! Standard responses like “Is that So? “, “Really?”,”And you know me so well to judge me, is it?” always helps, especially if you can’t think on your feet.

The next time your Mom tells you, you are no good; tell her, she needs to watch her mouth! The next time your brother says you are no good, tell him to mind his own business! The next time your hubby says lose twenty pounds, ask him to take a look in the mirror! Life is not worth living, putting up with verbal attackers. Use your window of offensive opportunity to DEFEND your own SELF!

Clanking the "KANK"!

The most awaited movie of the year in Bollywood has finally been released and ready to be ripped apart by critics and viewers alike. There was no lack of motivation to see this flick as my wife digs Abhishek and I dig Rani Mukherjee (now stop thinking nasty), and above all, our living room was hostage to two wonderful kids of visiting friends, who made our hearts pound faster with each thud on the hardwood floors.

The 8’oclock show started promptly at 8.30pm and we were excited to find the ‘first’ seats (Row 1, Seat no.1&2 right under the 20ft. screen). My loyal friend called in to convey the happy news at that exact moment,
“The Movie is only three and a half hours long! Enjoy!”

Dhoom-2 trailer and Kabul Express trailer followed and I was quite amazed by the glimpses of Dhoom-2(Svelte Aish,Smoking Bips..Train in Desert..!). Maybe, just maybe, our guys are finally reaching international standards in Editing, Sound and other technical areas. Now, if only I could say that for screenplay (there are exceptions ofcourse).

The Movie started amidst usual noisy desi-aunties looking for diapers under the chair and uncles looking for a spot to spit their worn-out paan! Enter Shahrukh Khan in the usual Johar-movie-style entry (Basketball, Cricket…now Soccer) with a penalty kick and lifting of his jersey after the goal (now…who wears so many layers under the jersey?). Rani enters the movie looking pretty in Manish Malhotra designer-Saree but also glum as she is wondering if she should wait for the perfect species to mate or go with available meat (Abhishek)! Shahrukh tells her to be sensible and not wait for the elusive Himalayan Goat curry! Meanwhile Amitabh comes on the screen as the Desi-Pimp-with-Angrezi-Memsaab! Abhishek, on the other hand, is introduced as Desi-Party-Dude-deeply-in-love-with-hot-desi-teacher Rani! Preity Zinta makes her initial presence as the bitchy-wife-uncaring-mom-ambitious-woman routine as she misses play boy hubby’s match winning goal (and this is just first 5mins of movie...don’t lose the patience)!

After 4yrs, Rani “tries” to enact how married couples behave after 4yrs.She apparently vacuums and cleans every inch of her NY apartment which only costs a measly million bucks. Paying hundred bucks to a cleaning lady is impossible! Meanwhile Shahrukh limps (whenever he feels like) as his football dreams have been shattered by a car accident right after he told Rani to forget Himalayan Goat Curry (1-very significant piece of information to remember in the movie)!

Blah..blah..blu..Glu..Glah..flu...after two hours, Rani runs to Railway station in middle of night after a fight with her party-paneer and voila! At exactly 5 mins before,Shahrukh has a fight with his home-made-halwa and both unhappy spouses meet at Grand Central! They see each other and Shahrukh confesses his love for Rani uttering those memorable words “I even remember the date and time of falling in love with you (refer 1 above)”! It’s not like love at first sight or a slow realization of deep connection. It’s more like “you are looking for spicy goat curry and I am looking for Bengali Rasgulla”!

While on the prowl with Chandigarh-Mami, our old-Horny-desi-pimp, Amitabh, finds the wild irresponsible, irritating, not-moving-your-ass-to-find-a-new-job-standing-in-middle-of-road-Indian buffalo, Shahrukh , canoodling with his Bengali-Bahu-Himalayan-explorer, Rani! Pimp gets a heart attack, and Bengali-Bahu feels guilty, the “new lovers” decide home-made-food is more important for survival than the five-star-khana they have been relishing and decide to end their quest for hidden-treasures!

Preity slaps, Abhishek throws, and Chandigarh-mami hits a same-side goal! Mini-Olympics ensues and they are banned for substance abuse (that too enjoyable abuse…if it wasn’t good, they could have returned to Olympic village happily in their original choice and didn’t have to reveal their happy-ending-episodes)! The spouses get more pissed off hearing their episodes as they had more opportunities than these losers and still they beat them to the punch! After tears, more tears, extra unnecessary 5 reels, the most awaited moment of the movie arrives! THE CREDITS! My spinal chord, which by now, had locked into an awkward position got relieved by the hurrying Punjabi lady’s handbag slamming at the base of my pituitary gland!

Now, to be fair, I did enjoy the movie! Some of the dialogues were really good and some of the portions were glaringly missing like making the case for Rani to look outside marriage and the reasons for feeling Shahrukh as “the one” for her! The makers got confused into making this about “looking out phases” in marriage and love story! Nevertheless, a very good desi attempt!

“To be or Not to be?”
“Depends on whether you are Rich & Thin or Fat & Middle class :)”

Filler Spoilers!

“You know, Indian team is not bad. You know, Kaif played awesomely. Really Awesome dude! You know, Kumble was even more awesome. You know finally the south Indians are displaying that killer instinct like Punjabis!”(Score: You Know=3, Awesome = 3)
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.
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Score after 5 minutes, You Know = 20, Awesome=13! You sure have come across someone, who has this uncanny ability of spoiling the conversation with their excessive usage of supposedly cool quirky fillers! Most of the times, we are the culprits!

The strange thing about these fillers is that, you realize they are seasonal. They are also highly addictive. They embed in your conversation without your knowledge. And before you realize, they have crept into your daily lexicon and taken up the position of every third word in your unfinished sentences that you utter non-stop to the apparently-intent-listener who is actually thinking ,“Will you shut the F*** Up?”.

Ofcourse it can be argued that it is just your lack of ability to speak proper English and that while you grope in mid-air for appropriate connectors to sentences, you spill these fillers which kinda-sorta fits in that place and makes sense to the listener. But the spoiler part is, when you use them in millisecond gaps that forces the listener to re-sort your words in that short span to understand what you are trying to say, as by now, they know, if they don’t do it, they will be buried under the pile of You know, Awesome stuff!

Perhaps the reason is not their lack of conjunctions, but the speed in which they think, that forces them to jump to 3rd sentence in their head while they are coughing up the first one. The culprit for incessant filler-words could be the time delay between Brain-Mouth-co-ordination. Either they have to trust their temporary memory to hold the 2nd, 3rd, 4th sentence until their windpipe can breathe some air or end up choking to death on trying to spit too many words! Jeez! Fillers save lives! Now, that is Suweeeet!

Maybe I should change the title to “Filler Saviors”!

Being a loyal Capital One customer, I have to ask you, “What’s your Filler?”!

Known Unknowns!

Why do you always feel it takes less time while returning, than while going, to the same place? Does it have anything to do with the concept of home? Returning to Safety? Or is it because your mind was working hard, mapping the path, forming new neural patterns while going and once formed, it relaxes while returning in the same path, so you feel it was quicker?

Why are you compelled to watch a movie you love when it comes on TV, even though, you have that DVD staring in your face from your rotating-DVD-rack? Is it because you feel a free meal is being missed? Is it because there is no other interesting program on other channels? Or Is it because when you were channel surfing and hit upon a particular scene in that movie, it brought back happy-memories that you want to re-live?

Why does the traffic light changes from Red to Green exactly the moment you stop in the red light, when you waited all along from the corner of the street, staring, willing, hoping, it would change to green so that you may not have to apply the brakes and come to a full stop ?

Why do you always miss that left leg sock when you are getting late to work? And why is it that no matter how many times you tell yourself in that moment that you should make sure all these leggies are in one place, you never get around to doing it, until you remind yourself again, the next time, you are in same situation?

Why do you have to search for only “those” things crazily that you kept them in a “Safe” place? Why these safe places are the hardest to find? They might have been chosen because they are hardest to find for “others” but somehow, if “others” didn’t know about it, why would they “look” for it?

Why do Men, no matter how much they are coached, no matter how many times they are told, always feel it necessary to give an objective opinion, when they are asked by their women, “Do I look good?”.

Why do you always feel the gas-station owner is cheating you when you see the numbers rolling near the dollar sign while filling gas? You can almost visualize the numbers rolling slower in some other gas-station except that you can’t remember which one. And the same feeling creeps in when you are in Taxi, whether you are going to Airport or coming from one!

Why do Men always misread the civil, slow, interesting conversation between their Mom and Wife as final signs of bonding, when in reality it is a verbal duel between two possessive intelligent beings engaging in unintentional, intended put-downs, that they both smile and endure while thinking of next missile?

Do you really want to figure out the reasons behind these 'Known Unknowns'? Because,once you do, am sure, there will be new category called 'Unknown Unkowns' to tackle.

Even though i am borrowing from that famous Rumsfeld quote,
“There are known knowns; there are things we know, we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things, we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know, we don't know. ”-there might actually be some truth in it!

I guess we should just let them be because the moment you think you have conquered it, I know, you will be scrambling like a chicken with it's head cut-off in the closet, looking for that right sock!

Pic Source: http://gregmonaco.blogspot.com/

Un-Technology!

Instead of sleeker iPods, SUV’s that look like trailers and Mother-Of-All-Bombs, I wish scientists concentrated more on issues that affect us profoundly.

A new drug that alters your gene to change the color of your skin! No more Racism!

A new “pound-less” pill that lets you lose weight overnight! No more Prejudice!

A new tonic that alters your behavior to cure your smoking/alcohol addiction! No more Self-screw-ups!

When I was in my Eleventh grade, I had to give a speech on “Greatest Inventions of 20th Century!”. As I was preparing for the topic, my hostel warden, passed by. Since I respect him a lot, I asked him what he thought was the greatest invention of Mankind in 20th century.

And he replied, “Invention? I don’t think anything has been invented completely by Man!”.
I was taken aback and asked him “How can you say that when we have cars, airplanes even the fan that is revolving on top of us.”
“Well, what is the fan made of?”
“Hmm…Iron...maybe steel.”
“Where did u get that iron from?”
“From…Earth”
“So, you have harnessed something from nature, changed its shape to use another part of nature (air) to make it work. Maybe you can say mankind does invent things partly. To me, it’s all discoveries of nature!”
I remember that conversation to this day. And every time we get cocky about our new and greatest “invention”, nature slaps us on the cheek with a Tsunami or an earthquake.

I think, we, human race, have drifted from worshipping and understanding nature(stone age till time before 16th century) to harnessing nature(Industrial Revolution) to the current stage of “Manipulating Nature”(Cloning, messing with genes etc.). We study History mainly because we may not commit the same mistakes again (even though it keeps repeating itself) and understand our roots better. And one thing that is clear today is that in spite of the technological advancements, people seem lost. Clueless. Unhappy. Less connected in an “always-wired-mobile-everything-everywhere” world. I think we have safely reached a stage where enough energy has been spent on inventions that satisfy our external needs without filling the void that is inside.

We need technology that eliminates hatred. We need technology that doesn’t discriminate someone based on their religion, race or sexual preference. We need technology that makes it a level-playing field for rich, poor and the ones in between. We need technology that protects, enhances, and serves Mother Nature. Not provide new tools to cut forests, new tools to dig oil from oceans, new tools to destroy habitats quickly. We need technology that connects, not the minds, but the hearts!

It is time, technology (Science) works for the development of our spirituality and not for materialist pleasures that leaves us empty in the long run!

I(a)m-Perfect Lover!

I haven’t been tagged since the time I got out of school, where my glasses were color-coded with wordings “I am” on left and “Blind” on right. I have decided to ward off my “MSM” memories and start my list on Shpriya’s request for 8 qualities you would like in your perfect lover(for those of you still wondering what “MSM” is, its “Mommy Save Me!” memories) .

So here it goes!

1) Someone who has enough imperfections in her that I can help her to overcome but not so much that I need an in-house therapist!

2) I should be able to pick my nose, bite my nails, dust my dandruff and scratch my balls without wondering if I would be “denied” for those reality “bites” or “scratches”!

3) Someone who laughs at my jokes- Genuinely- even if they are not funny and even if I am repeating it for the 1472nd time.

4) Someone who knows instinctively my “Happy Hour” cycle. (Alrite! Alrite! More like “Happy 10min“ cycle )

5) Someone who can come up with creative slurs to cuss, to keep me on the tip of my tongue, so I can spit back with more imaginative ones, both of us enjoying the creative cussing process, forgetting the reason why we fought in the first place!

6) Someone who knows my tangents as I deviate from one topic to another, over the course of the day and even weeks and knows exactly what I am talking about when I start most of the topics in mid sentence-“I think it’s bcoz she wanted to take care of his mom.That's why she wasn’t part of that group!”

7) Someone who would always say “I will try it at least once. If I don’t like it, then it’s a no-no!”. To “everything” I ask of her.

8) Someone who wants to find a cure for Aids but she shouldn’t be a doctor. Someone who wants to feed the hungry in Uganda but she shouldn’t be in a missionary position (oh…C’mon! I meant the Nuns).
In other words, someone who thinks about the less privileged and be extremely happy that she is channeling all that worldly service minded energy…on ME!

Honestly, there is no lover who is perfect all the time but you always have those perfect moments with her, when she fills you with that strange mixture of love, lust, passion, need, desire and generosity, transforming you to make you feel like a complete man while she soaks in the immersed feeling of complete woman…(tick…tick...tick...)...“Now go pick up the trash that’s stinking up in the kitchen” ;)

Happy Birthday to a Dear friend!

Poetic(?) Discards!

While in “Down Under”,
If you fall down under,
Would you call that,
“Down down Under under?”

In your sleep,
In that dream,
If you’re sleeping,
Do you dream a dream?

When every Buyer,
Has got a seller,
What do they mean by,
Seller Market doing good,
Buyer Market not so good ?

When you are a 7 wanting to be 10,
In skill, looks, personality and life,
You got to remember,
You can only cook what’s in the pan!

If all Men cheat,
And ignoring the small percentage of gays,
Doesn’t that mean,
Most women cheat?

When Jesus loves all men,
When Mohammad preaches love for all mankind,
When Buddha worked for the peace of human kind,
What’s your problem with “Brokeback Mountain-Jerusalem Edition”?

Munich!

“Every civilization finds it necessary to negotiate compromises with its own values!”—George Jonas/Tony Kushner/Eric Roth

The greatest aspect of Munich is not the visual treat that you see inside the dark theatre for over two hours; but the questions it raises, after you have experienced it!

Are you really civilized if “Revenge” is the path you take for the salvation of your country?

Does the phrase “One man’s Freedom fighter is another man’s terrorist!” hold true?

When survival is at stake, do the methods of how you get out of it matter?

You struggle with these questions and there is no one right answer!

The movie starts with the incident in Munich in 1972 Olympics where 11 Israeli athletes are held hostage by Palestinian Terrorist group called ‘Black September’ and later assassinates them while most of the people involved escape Scott free! The Mossad (Israeli Intelligence Agency) hires Eric Bana to lead a team of 4 to hunt the people involved and kill them.

The first part of the movie is about the killing of each member of Black September involved (?) in Munich as the team hunts down one after another in the list using varied methods. You join in the team’s adventure and enjoy the thrill ride as they move from one city to another.

The director lets you get into the skin of these characters without compromising the length. You feel the struggle of Avner(Eric Bana) as he battles between his time with pregnant wife and the obsession of the job to be done; You get a glimpse of the camaraderie and bonding between the team members; the irritating nature of Carl (Ciarin Hinds) who questions the validity of the list; Robert’s (bomb specialist- Mathew Kasovitz) battle between his religion and the things he is doing; the craziness of Steve (Daniel Craig) who just wants to kill Arabs and the calmness and wit of Hans (Hans Zischler). You also get a very interesting scene when Avner meets the man who is supplying him the location of the people in the list!

Just when you think, the movie is slowing down, there is a magical scene between Avner, a lady in bar and Carl. And it hits you immediately; the story has taken a sharp turn. Fear sets in. It is not a one way street anymore. And it is in this fear that sometimes, you are clear about who your friends are. Most importantly, who are not your friends! There is another poignant scene when Avner and his team have to share a room with PLO fighters who are with the very men they are going to kill. You realize, both sides are fighting for a feeling of “Home”!

The last part of movie is where you see the genius of the script or cinematic manipulation, depending on which side of the equation you are. In a weird, strange way, you sympathize for the assassins of the Black September in those final moments in Airport of Munich where the innocent Israeli Athletes were killed. You can see Spielberg taking over those portions in his inimitable style of personalizing an external event with personal touch that is universal. As a viewer you can’t help but wonder how someone can forgive oneself from the horrors you have committed, where you have been dragged in the name of religion and homeland, fighting for a cause, for an ideal using any methods that will serve their purpose!

There are several characters in this movie that just deserves a huge applause purely for their ability to become those characters. First one among them would be Eric Bana, an Australian who becomes a complete Israeli for the role. Geoffrey Rush, another Aussie, displays a huge range and control as Ephraim. Ciarin Hinds, an Irish, who fits into the role like a glove. The final credit for one of the best supporting role is Ayelet Zorer, an Israeli, who plays Eric Bana’s wife. She does it with such compassion,love,intelligence and screen presence, that in the end , you truly believe, without her, there is no redemption for Eric Bana!

Munich is an experience!

"Shower"ing Thoughts!

Are you the kind of person who counts backwards from 60 in the shower because you had just applied your shampoo? Well if you are, then you must go through what I do everyday (with a huge presumption that you do take bath everyday).How do people come up with that one minute prescribed exact time for shampoo? And what happens if you leave it longer than a minute? Does your hair turn grey? Has anyone tested these kinds of things? Do they assume people know how to count or a clock is required when you are in the shower? But then, it is also recommended that you should close your eyes while applying shampoo, which means even if a clock is available, you can’t open your eyes to see it. That definitely leaves us with only the option of counting. And it is in this awkward, naked, shampoo dripping, counting backward, silent moment that you hear hissing sounds. Maybe a snake has escaped through the attic and is trying to find a spot in the corner of your bathroom or is it just your nephew who is flushing his toilet in second floor? Now in the time I was thinking about this, did I miss a few seconds? And to add to this state, you are not supposed to apply water in your head and you have obediently turned your warm shower off. When the time is up, do you know the exact position of the knob which you had set before entering the shower after rigorous three minute testing on your toes, knees and hands for perfect warmness that your epidermis can absorb? I know I have already lost more seconds between 17 and 12 or did I count forward from 33 in that frenzy of snake crawling up my legs? And why do people have to give you instructions when you are in the shower? All you can catch in that shivering still frenzy from your wife is “Don’t forget to do it atleast today”. What today? Shouldn’t there be a line before that sentence? Or did she say it already? Do I dare to ask her again or did I miss my count again? No…I was at 11.Or 9? Maybe I don’t have to worry about my missed seconds since the forward and backward counting might have cancelled each other and I might actually be on time…3,2,1……turning the shower back on…Jai Shree Ram!…Halleluah!…Allah hu Akbar!…offering prayers to all Gods so my skin is not scorched from over-heat or the other extreme where I jump with a huge cold stiff shoulder shattering the tempered glass bathroom!

Lost!

A sense of clueless ness where your mind is under a grip of aching want that you quite don’t know what it is but you feel it pervading you, immersing you into a state of inertia where all purposes seem pointless and you know, you are LOST!

Feeling lost,perhaps, is the most lingering emotion of our life that doesn’t get as much importance as “Happy” or “Sad” yet you seem to endure it as much as them. Is feeling lost, being sad? Not in the complete sense but there is sadness for the loss of things you have and more importantly, the things you don’t have. A Yearning. A Desire. A Need for a particular kind of person, particular lifestyle, an acceptance in the way you like it! It is strange to see how you can lose something that you don’t have. But what the mind can conceive and perceive, it tricks us into believing we can have them even though it has not transmuted into reality. And that’s where the loss for the things/people you don’t have comes from. A disconnect between the mind, heart and reality.

Being lost wasn’t such a bad thing when you were young. It had that sense of adventure, sense of awe and above all, you were never afraid at heart. You always knew you would find your way back. There is also that phase where your career is not taking off or you don’t find the job you’re looking for. But this lost feeling has hope even though at times you feel angry and agitated. And you have age by your side then. You know if you fall down, you have enough time to get up and keep running. But the worst kind is, feeling lost when you are made. A stage where certain things have a sense of inevitability about them and you can’t shake the applecart because you are sunk half way into the ground. Lost without hope of recovery!

You live out of your roles. You live out of yourself with your mind constantly preoccupied with yearning for the things you lost – without having them! You can sense how slowly you caved in to giving up your dreams without trying. How you don’t have the courage to make the hard decisions because your life yarn is intertwined with so many others and one selfish act can rip many. How you have cocooned into that existence without really living and always feeling your mind someplace else. You’re just standing still clueless as life passes by you and you look for a calling, hoping one day you will find it and find peace.

Who knows? Maybe the very things you are looking for is in the very place you are trying to run away from! If only you can stop feeling lost!

Pic Source: http://away.com/photos/behind_image/abrahm_lustgarten/china-gobi-march.html

How OLD are you ?!!!

I turned 15 when I was 7, when my Dad slapped my mom in front of me!
I turned 7 when I was 15, when my Grandmother hugged me after her surgery!

I turned 18 when I was 10, when my mom finally left my abusive Dad!
I turned 10 when I was 18, when I had a pillow fight with my roommate!

I turned 25 when I was 13, when my mom dropped me at my cousin’s place to study!
I turned 13 when I was 25, when I bought my first car!

I turned 30 when I was 21, when I squeezed her palms reassuringly at the altar!
I turned 21 when I am 30, when she squeezed my palms in her deep slumber!

My pains make me older!
My smiles make me younger!

My needs shrink as I get older!
My heart expands as I feel younger!

My age is determined by my emotional shards!
So, what’s the point of Birthday cards?

The Immigrant Vacuum!

They say beware of what you dream. It may just come true. And when it becomes true, you lose your survival instinct. The rope called survival necessity that was holding you back, suddenly disappear. And you rise above, floating high, aimlessly.

You enter the land of dreams. You make a decent amount of money. You wear nice clothes. You drive a big gas-guzzling SUV. You meet your own kind during weekends while trying to blend in with the locals during weekdays. You sit with thousands in the freeway in an orderly fashion and wonder how organized the traffic is compared to the chaos in the streets of New Delhi. You admire the strange perkiness and courtesy as they wish everyone ‘Hey, How u doin?’. Your manager is not watching your back as you browse Samachar.com for the first one hour at work. You go into meeting as your Boss makes it clear what he needs done and you go back to your seat knowing exactly what needs to be done. You go back home without too many complaints as your wife asks you, Chinese or Italian take-out tonite? Your eyes get used to beauty around u and after few months, you don’t even notice them. After few years, you don’t even appreciate them since you expect them that way.

What am I complaining about then? A good Life? A well-oiled system? Lack of Chaos? Lack of uncertainty? Boredom? I guess it’s the lack of feeling of being part of something bigger than you. Like sharing the smile with total stranger because India had just won a Cricket match; feeling the immense human energy that flows, stinks, surrounds you until you gasp and search for your own little spot in the market; riding an auto-rickshaw whose driver spouts more philosophy than Socrates;watching the passage of one rupee from one hand to another, trusting total strangers, to buy the ticket from the bus conductor sitting in front of the Bus and the extra flowers that the flower vendor throws in because you are being nice to your wife. It is impossible to be lonely in the world’s most populous democratic country.

When the materialistic needs of self get fulfilled, you grow to realize how wrong you have been in your priorities. It’s like Family. You fight your best to run away from their unjust judgments about you, from their inconsiderate taunting and when you finally manage to go to different city far away from them, you long for that morning coffee, you long for that irritable little neighborhood boy who hangs around with the cricket bat in your yard, you even long for those ‘know-all’ relatives who pop up at the oddest of hours, only to eat your share of curry and vanish! Maybe it’s loneliness that makes you long for these things since am sure two weeks back at your home, you will be longing for the quiet ‘Law & Order’ episode in your room.

There is a huge immigrant baggage that you bury deep under layers of economic and infrastructural necessities. Once you reach the threshold of materialistic comforts, you slowly begin to wonder about your acceptance in the society you live in. Sure, no one questions your place in this country but can you really BE a part of this society? The problem could very well be inside you than theirs since every immigrant wants the economic security and infrastructure of their adopted country and the matters relating to heart from their home country. And as time moves on, you are just stuck in-between forming your own unsure identity.

A new self emerges from the amalgam of your life experiences with loss from the place you came from and yearning for the lost things in the place you decide to settle. A constant nagging feeling trying to balance your needs and wants. As you vacillate between these two choices, you realize you either have to sacrifice one of them or make sure what you miss is compensated on the side you decide to stay forever.

Maybe I just need to take a trip back home to fulfill my vacuum!

How many would attend your FUNERAL ?!!!

Questions like these pop in your head when you’re brought into ER room at 3am for Kidney stones and you are screaming in pain at a scale of 12 on a 10 point scale and the ER-nurse is busy counting the number of letters in your long-desi-name asking you in that southern accent, “Is it r-a-m-a-sh-aan-d-ar-en?” and all you can muster to reply is, “Gimm-eee…daaaa…F&%#@# morphineeee!”.

Once the ER-special episode is over and you slowly slip into that unconscious and see a glowing light slowly approaching you, you wonder, how many would really attend if you were to die NOW!

Serious question but remote possibility for kidney stones, but then, we Indians, tend to be overtly emotional and sentimental even for urine test(which some of us confuse for sperm sample since they just give the plastic cup never explaining what it is for!).

So, the count begins.

My wife (1) – Obvious choice! If she has tolerated me for a decade, she sure can tolerate the funeral expenses for one more extra week.

My Mom (1) – Since she is on vacation in US and her visa doesn’t expire until March of next year.

Friends at Work (10-20) – Will probably declare a holiday for my department but considering “Clients come first”, I think it would just be my region in the department.

Friends in Atlanta (10–20) – Since many have enjoyed my rhetoric on “Why apathy is the root cause of all evil” or why it helps your heart to say “Yes Dear” in the long run!

Friends in US (5-7) – Depending on rates at airtran.com or southwestern.com on the funeral day!

Relatives in US (1-2)—Can depend on at least one of the two cousins to turn up and the other one depending on whether he decides to pick his cell phone after seeing the caller-id!

People from India(1) - Don't expect anyone other than my brother to spend and come for my funeral!

That’s it? Is that all? Is it really over? Am I missing any more categories?

So, if I die today, I have been able to piss-off, cause pain, irritate, bring joy, pour sarcasm, and give love only to minimum of 29 and a maximum of 51 people?

Damn! And here I was, thinking, it would be at least 100!

Maybe I should spend more time in the real world giving more reasons for people to miss me when I am gone (or carry my body to India and say free food to 100 people in my will)!

Pic source: http://www.rantmorgan.com/howto/death/death.jpg

I say You Say!

I say, “Unborn Killing!”
You say, “Right to Choose!”

I say, “Time for Charity!”
You say, “Money for Charity!”

I say, “Speed before accident happens!”
You say, “Slow down to avoid accidents!”

I say, “Unrealistic Movie!”
You say, “Escapist fantasy!”

I say, “Karl Rove!”
You say, “Michael Moore!”

I say, “India!”
You say, “US!”

I say, “Be Prepared and have kids!”
You say, “Have Kids and be prepared!”

I say, “Horror!”
You say, “Romantic Comedy!”

I say, “Socialistic Communism!”
You say, “You say Capitalistic Prosperity!”

I say, “Existential Conclusions!”
You say, “Divine Interventions!”

I say, “Burn all Bridges!”
You say, “Calculated Risks!”

I say, “Outdoor fun!”
You say, “Indoor quality time!”

I say, “Freedom in Renting!”
You say, “Happiness in Owning!”

I say, “Big Picture!”
You say, “Details!”

I say, “Experimentation!”
You say, “Keep it in your pants!”

I say, “Passion!”
You say, “Loyalty!”

I say, “Genetic dysfunction!”
You say, “Behavioral deficiency!”

I say, “Selective listening!”
You say, “Inconsiderate Moron!”

I say, “It’s not the whole truth!”
You say, “It’s a complete lie!”

I say, “Grey!”
You say, “Black or White!”

I say, “Empathize!”
You say, “Justifications!”

I say, “I love you!”. You say, “I love you!”. In the end, nothing else matters!

Picture Source:http://www.pbase.com/ykeesing/root

Are you "COOL" ?!!!

It’s not WMD. It’s definitely not 911 or e-mail or Internet. The award for the ”Word” of the decade goes to the coolest word in the new-age lexicon, ’Cool’. From a non-existent eighties to limited edition usage in early 90’s,”Cool” has made a big splash in late nineties and is here to stay. Being cool; wearing Cool; acting cool; walking cool; even spelling cool in a “kewl” way; it has slowly permeated every aspect of our life and suddenly become an important factor in our daily decision making process. Even Friends are chosen based on their “Cool-Quotient”.

What is being cool? I know being polite (yeah right!), obedient (what difference does it make between one and ten lies?), caring, lovable, honorable, confident, etc. But no one ever taught me how to be cool? Perhaps it is one of those things you figure it out yourself (like Love, Sex, Marriage). All of us use it in many different contexts. ”Cool! That’s awesome!”, ”That’s a cool dress” ,”She is Cool”, ”I am cool”, ”The Manager is very un-cool”. What do we mean by it?

When you say “That’s a cool dress”, do you mean, “I am surprised you would dare to wear that crap? “ or “You don’t look that weird that would stop me from hanging out with you?”. Or are you are saying it’s a nice dress. But if you felt it was nice you would have used the word nice. Why “Cool”? Perhaps it was ‘different’ not nice. So if something is different, is it Cool? Now I am very un-cool trying to figure this thing out and worse, sweat about it. My coffee-break mate was more candid about his reason for using it. He said he is just too tired of saying ‘Ok’ all the time. He said Cool kinda sounds, you guessed it, cool.

The problem with being cool or acting cool is that no one really knows what it really means because it’s very subjective. What you think is cool might be plain stupid to someone else. After intense analysis and research of personal cool-compliments, my definition of being cool is having the “Could care less” attitude!
“Are you disappointed that you were left out of team?”
“Cool! I could care less!”

“Are you hurt that you were not invited? “
“Cool! I could care less!”

“Are you not worried about piercing your ear and tattooing your forearm? “
“Cool! I could care less”

The moment you decide to do what you want to do without worrying about other’s approval, you display Confidence; Certitude; Assuredness; Attitude; in other words, ”You are Cool”. Being cool is being comfortable in your own skin. It’s not the outfit; it’s the attitude in the outfit!