04 September 2006

ET to ER!

You never know when it hits you. A whiff of earthy sand? Gentle caress of frail cold breeze? Silent pause in your favourite movie as two lips melts in each other? Or the extended humming in the interlude of a haunting melody?

There are all kinds of Emotional Triggers(ET) that swarm you into Emotional Restlessness(ER)!

When the trigger is pulled, it’s like the sudden spilling of open paint boxes on your psyche. The rope called sanity that you were holding until then slips through your fingers. The heart gets congested with flooding memories that you thought you had escaped from. Breaths begin to fall stumbling one after another, irregularly, as your mind gets gripped by an unknown ache that you know so well. You can see yourself falling from the skyscraper in slow motion with only one way to go…DOWN!

Maybe they are emotional black holes that lurks deep inside us moving from one ventricle to another, until the emotional trigger shoots them, causing our heart to shrink sucking our feelings of happiness in an instant. You feel the internal heaviness as you become restless and replay old memories, lost opportunities and hopelessness as a unique cocktail of all of these emotions in different proportions are served, each time. You begin to dodge these landmines and tread carefully in each of your activity for the next few days. You stop listening to music. You stop going to that particular place. You avoid talking to certain people. You shut your self until you feel normal again.

If Life is made of moments, then each moving experience, plants a trigger in us. A ticking time bomb. You never know, when, one of them will blow up and make you restless. While some of them last only a few minutes, there are this special feeder bombs that take hostage of your entire day or even weeks by feeding on our weaknesses, desires, dreams and our uncanny ability to imagine idyllic possibilities. It’s a hook, line and sinker with no control!

The wiser ones say time heals. You certainly hope time gives us acceptance, if not, clarity. Maybe the culprit is choices or the lack of courage to exercise any of them. Either way, you just hope this process of cleansing in painful overwhelming of ER eliminates the power of feeder bombs and leads us to a place where you are less immune to ET.

Peace in the knowledge of self! Peace in our actions! Realizing that, it is futile to succumb in emotional quagmire by making someone a priority when you are just an option for them! Realizing that it is futile to regret, when we can choose to move on and be happy! When you have hit the bottom, there is only one way to go. UP!