15 December 2006

Free "fucking" Fall!



When your mind is fucked up by the thought of her, wondering how it was nothing but fuck and slowly, over time, it became more than fuck and at the same time, fucking became making love and the journey within the making love included fucking, going back and forth, losing breaths, missing heartbeats, lost in sensory perceptions, heaving together, sighing together until you are so fucked, you don’t exist and she doesn’t exist, both bodies hanging and floating in mid air, and as you stare into her closed eyes, in that moment, it suddenly dawns on you, she has fucked your heart like no one has, ever, and a deep immersing wave showers you with the realization that in this crazy game, you both have fucked each other to such an extent that the rest of non-fucking moments is going to be so-fucking horrible reminding you of this fucking moment that has made you experience ecstasy, feel the soul, stretch your bodies to its limit yet feel full in every way, a wave that finally eclipses all kinds of needs buried before only to sow an even greater undeniable need, that of her, for the rest of your fucking life that you might have to spend without fucking her, making you realize how fucked up your life is and how many other lives you are fucking along with hers, unintentionally in the first fuck and intentionally in every subsequent fuck, losing yourself more, needing her fuck in every nerve, pretending to be a fucking good guy until you are sucked back into the fucking game with her, indulging with more vigor, not knowing what the fucking point is, yet knowing it makes all the other fucking shit going in your life bearable, not giving a fuck about society, family, and all the fucking bastards who offered advise without having a fucking clue, “fuck them”, “Fuck her”, this time with anger for making you a fucking dependable animal on her, for making you feel the loss of her engulfing smell while she is wrapped around you, for making you feel like, you are all the fuck that matters to her, for meaning her words in every thrust and for proving her heart by making each fuck unbelievable , never saying no and always feeling more than you can ever handle, more than you ever wanted to handle until you sink deep down in your self only to scream aloud but stifled inside your throat like a fucked up moron whose heart is split, silencing all the fucking desires, trying to forget all the fucking memories , suddenly not knowing what was your old fucking self before her and the pain of ripped heart splintering through you, swarming you with an ache, sinking you in an abyss, plunging you in moral quandary, not wanting you to raise the question of how can this be wrong when it feels so right, evaluate what should be done, what can be done, not having the courage to bury the old, accept the new, not sure if you would want that old when this new turns old, but knowing she has fucked you up totally and trying to make sense of all this fucked up emotions which was never there before, never experienced before that even after months of trying to be fuck-sober , she rises in your heart in un-fucking moments giving you a panic attack, making you unstable, bleeding for those fucking-times of smiling together, holding together, aching together ending in blissful-complete-moments, making you cry for that one thing she gave you more than all the fucks put together!

She LOVED you for who you are, as you are and now you know, so do you!

She finally gave the ROYAL FUCK of it all, without fucking, when she left you!

22 comments:

bilbo said...

this was an amusing read . kept smiling throughout.

Anonymous said...

deja vu..
thanks

Misreflection said...

made me smile too.. think we've all been there at some stage in our lives..... its "fucking" hopeless.. but life without those "fucking hopeless" moments won't be much of a life would it...Hey you've been busy of late.. in blog world that is..would have to catch up on your other posts some other time..

MotoRama said...

Hi Bilbo,
Amusing? Interesting...i am glad people take out time to comment...you get to know how each person interprets it :) Thanks.

Hi Anonymous..well..no point asking you who you are..nevertheless thanks :)

Hey Misreflection,
Yeah..the blog-itch happens once in a while and after a few scratching, it vanishes..:) Hope everything is going gr8 at ur end!

fizo said...

Hello dRama ji...see I braved it to here and what can I say..its a [insert word] up world...which was very amusingly put forward...very innovative..though my head was reeling reading the intentionally long first para...!

{illyria} said...

yeeee-ow! a crisp read; glad i stopped by. :)

MotoRama said...

Heyyy Fizzarsi!
Was thinking about u when i was reading the review of Kabul Express. I will send Saridon on ur way..(see i remember all Eighties ads).

Hey Trans!
Welcome back to my page.Been a really long time. I forgot the user-id,password to ur website so wasnt able to catch up on lot of ur pieces. Lemme go back and try..maybe one of them will work.

Anonymous said...

Motorama!

Just wanted to count how many times
the F word was used
haha

But seriously ...it is a sad state when SHE /HE leaves

(*_*)

Uma

Always enjoyed reading your blog
and here's

WISHING YOU A WONDERFUL LIFE

small squirrel said...

I don't know what the fuck to think of that.

so happy fucking new year!

:))

MotoRama said...

hahaha..there is a movie in tamil where Raghuvaran says "I know..I know" for about 4 minutes...and there was big competition in magazines and tv asking how many times did Raghuvaran say "I know".For some reason i am reminded of that when i read ur comment Uma.Wishing you a Happy and wonderful new year!


May everything be fucking good this year,squirrelly((Hugs))!

iamnasra said...

I hope u had lovely new year eve

{illyria} said...

happy new year's, hon! hope the hols were full of love all around.

gulnaz said...

fucking goddamn goooood!!!!

Maltova said...

man, you finished it in three sentences. With the vigor you were going in the first, i thought you weren't going to stop... ;)

Im sure you must've had as much fun writing it as everyone who've read this piece. I totally loved it, interspersing the varied meanings of the divine word, finally rounding it up to the divine act itself.

royal rogering indeed! :)

Sriharsh Mallela said...

You just missed on making use of the word Fuck as an 'article'.

cheesemaker said...

Story of life. What can i say but Brilliant!

Jyotsna said...

well..obviously a lot of emotions hidden and concealed behind the the F word..but it comes through...
hope ur well..been ages since i heard from you.
J

Lotus Reads said...

Hey, this is a brilliant piece of writing and the emotion is palpable. I think you've expressed very colourfully what a lot of us experience when an intense relationship goes kaput. I hope writing this down proved to be a cathartic experience for you. Enjoyed reading it, very cleverly written!

Anonymous said...

Hey...its an absafuckinlutely incredible blog....enjoyed reading every word of it.

Sanjay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MotoRama said...

I apologize for the delayed response everyone. I am very happy to see the thoughts of people who take time out of their day to share their thoughts.

Thanks Nasra.I did have a wondeful new year.

It was, Trans. Love is all we need :)

Hey Gulnaz,
Good to see u here. Looks like ur back from ur hibernation.

I need to remember the phrase "Royal Rogering",Maltova! Thanks for dropping by.

Sriharsh,
I know Fuck "with" an article.Let me not elaborate further.

Niceeee ID,Cheesemaker. Thanks for dropping by for first time.

Hey Jyo,
Been ages. Yes. I got your message about ur new working schedule. Awesome! Talk to you soon.

Thanks Lotus. Will drop by your blog to see the updates.

Hey Anonymous,
Thanks. Since i do not know your blog to visit back, why dont u create one ?

Comment deleted ? Not me. I guess whoever wrote it deleted themselves.

J said...

you just got f'n too much time buddy!!!