27 May 2009

Nodding Chair!


Nodding Chair! I used this phrase for first time, trying to explain the 20 members in the meeting room that it was not the sound of cuckoo being strangled by its neck but my chair scratching its butt..more precisely its leg on the floor!


For the rest of Hanuman tail meeting which is basically a meeting to talk about what we will do in future meetings, which is scheduled after three hours from this meeting, i wondered about “Nodding Chair” phrases. “Sleepy couch” sounds appropriate. It doesn’t belong to “Nodding Chair” oddity in its sound. I remember when my proficiency of the english language was less sophisticated than it is at present, my favourite used to be “Rotating Head” whenever i gotta migraine. 


While the Director was fudging the numbers and showing profit, i wondered about “Piss me off”. Sometimes when u got too much time and you have no access to caffeine, the strong, often times knowing reassuring phrases doesn’t make sense. How can u piss ME off ? and why would it be an irritating utterance ? If at all, it should be Piss me ON- so there is a threat that I might unzip and piss on him. But off ? that just doesn’t sound right. I think it must just  “Piss off” asking him to hold his piss. Now..that is one filling up..torture. Cheney, forget about waterboarding. Try “Water holding”. Serves them right for “pissing you ON”!


The English language ofcourse has other enticing, aesthetic, soul filling phrases. 

“O Thou invisible spirit of Wine,if thou hast no name,let us call thee devil” (written when Shakespeare tasted a cocktail of Martini mixed with two shots of rum, one shot of vodka and three shots of tequila, which Daniel Craig borrowed in Casino Royale). The Thou..hast..thee..lines are the best cure of insomnia. I recommend reading Doctor Faustus by Marlowe if Shakespeare can’t shake your eyes. People who spoke in those times must have been very polite. Although if you go through history, more people were killed during those times. I mean they carried their weapons in their hips..and rode horses. Imagine then..jumping up and down...without automatic secure lock for their guns. Riding their horses with lashes on the back of poor animal screaming “Hyah...! Hyah.....!” and then suddenly when the pissed ON horse jumps up “Dishooom....!”.

Their last words must have been “Thou..shalt fucked ye hast no balls but gunpowder smelleth..Amen!” 


Coming back to “Nodding Chairs”, “Scrotching Underwear” comes real close to perfect phrase to explain the scratching itch! All Superheroes have that problem..except the one true hero who showed how to avoid that problem....a la..Clark Kent...Superman..who eliminated the scrotch itch by shamelessly showing off his undies in front which made for in both speed and performance(lucky Lois Lane). If ever there was a running race err...flying race between Spider Man, Superman, Han-cock(maybe there is no hyphen there) and  Batman, the winner is scrotchless itchless underwear less(but Underwear front) Superman, hands down!


The next one is “Shaken but stirred”! Made famous by Mr.Bond..himself but more appropriate for California dwellers due to the constant earth quakes. Am sure the electronic retailers can borrow that and coin “Retuned but restocking fee’d”. I am sure the married brigade would re-phrase it as “Married but screwed!”. 


Perhaps the one phrase that still rings in my head to hold on and stare at my director who still thinks i am ACTUALLY intently listening inspite of my Mungerilal expression is, “Yes I CAN, TWO MORE MINUTES for Lunch!”

2 comments:

Sowmya said...

You should try 'Das Capital' by Karl Marx for insomnia.

And that para about politeness in a cruel period of history, horse and all... was hilarious.

MotoRama said...

I will definitely add "Das Capital" to my gift list for people who act like smartass to me! Glad you had some laughs at the expense of my "torturous" meeting.