Dormant Panic!

An impatient heart losing it's balance,

Known trigger shooting without senses,

Gathering each day the scattered pieces,

Regaining my sanity without any semblance!

Eventual ending would leave gaping hole,

Everyday churning is just hyperbole,

Tired hope wears my emotional sole,

Thirsting acceptance to become alive whole!

Perhaps its all an imaginary castle,

Conflicting inner twin with justified rastle,

Deluded assumptions is my heart's hassle,

Denying every moment with bow and tassel!

Show mercy to quieten this aching howl,

Give strength to survive if's it's run afoul,

Save my spirit to hide from my scowl,

Acknowledge my love to fulfill my soul!

Agora!

What makes someone inspirational ? What drives someone to make the hardest of inconvenient choices ? What pushes sane compassionate human beings to degenerate into fanatic blood hungry animals ?

Agora, directed by Alejandro Amenabar, tries to address all these and more in a period piece set in 4th century A.D. in the great city of Alexandria, raising more questions than answers stamping it's relevance even in 2011.

The City of Alexandria is at the cusp of religious transformation. The Roman empire has fallen and a new religion called Christianity is spreading like wild fire among the oppressed. The Pagans are still holding on to their past glory while the Jews are caught in-between Christians and Pagans. Amidst all these chaos, stands firm the great library of Alexandria. Here,the most beautiful and respected philosopher-teacher,Hypatia, teaches astronomy and math to a diverse group of students. She is constantly trying to solve the mysteries of the cosmos; Is the Earth, center of Universe or is it Sun? Is the Earth round or flat ? Does the Earth revolve around the Sun or vice versa? If it is revolving, how come we don't feel it ?

It is this obsessive passion and thirst for knowledge that makes Hypatia the object of affection to three of her students. Davus, her most intelligent lovestruck slave; Orestes, who expresses his love for his teacher in front of everyone in annual play ,only to get a rude harsh rejection; Synesius,who is thankful to her courage for protecting him,a Christian, among Pagan majority.

The story revolves around these three students and Hypatia and how the events outside the walls of the library change their lives forever in a climate of religious intolerance.

The attention given to details of this period makes you sit up and enjoy the little things like the clapper used during play, the detailed statues, authentic period costumes, the CGI rendition of city streets, ocean, market place, cultural mix and the way camera descends from stars to the open veranda of Hypatia's bed as if the Gods themselves are watching with curiosity the happenings on ground.

Rachel Weisz, radiates and embodies Hypatia. There is a certain luminance in her face that fills up the whole screen and instantly makes you want to sit next to her and listen. Davus, brings his lustful love,mixed with oppressive anger towards the Pagans beautifully to screen. His repressed love for Hypatia along with the religious fanaticism in the streets,makes you think about the things we don't control no matter what the heart wants.

One of the boldest moves in the movie is how they have depicted the dangers of religion over state. It reminds you that there is a separation of Church and State not to protect Religion from the clutches of government but State from fundamental religious leaders and their intolerance. The Pagans kill innocent Christians, the Christians kill Jews, the Jews kill Christians. The director doesn't spare any group. The other bold move is to not let any character behave like holier than thou. The knowledgable philosopher has slaves, the dedicated Christian soldier goes from feeding the poor to killing the innocent simply because they don't believe in Jesus, the Roman law keepers choose the majority mob over peace and allow genocide and plunder for political gain, the Bishop picks selective passages from St.Paul to twist the meaning of verses(very much like fundamental Imams in Mosques). No character is left without their flawed side and no group is spared their ugly darker side. It takes courage and conviction to portray such uncompromising display of our fallibilities. It also makes you wonder how fragile, we as society are, even centuries later when you hear about Darfur, Kosovo and the tribal wars in Africa.

There are flaws in the movie as it almost seems like two parts. One, the times in the library and other, after the students have grown into their adult roles. The pacing could be faster and the constant violent scenes could have been shortened but considering the times, it is probably ncessary to drive home the human insanity.

There is a scene when Orestes asks Hypatia how can she be so obsessed about cosmos when people are killing each other in the streets. As a viewer, you feel he is justified while you also understand the pursuit of things that are greater than one self or your current situation, even if that situation is a choice between life or death. Socrates died drinking a vial of poison as he wouldn't compromise on his beliefs. Bhagat Singh died as he wouldn't compromise on his vision of free India. A strong passionate belief is what makes them inspirational. Having a purpose beyond self, in and of itself, makes every moment worthy of living. Even if that life is curtailed, their idea,ideology and belief lives on.

Agora is an epic drama that shows the conflict between Science and Religion, conflict between Survival and Choice, conflict between Secularism and Religious intolerance, and above all, the struggle between Loyalty and Love!

Relish it!

Phantasm!

A Phantasm,
That rules our hidden microcosm,
Sharing our whispers,
Under the Silent darkness,
Stretching our hearts unguarded
Yet guarding it all when the Sun rises,
Letting it flow unfettered
Yet steering it uninhibited,
Knowing the destination is close,
Yet feeling so morose,
A sense of rowing alone,
Waiting for a sign in the glowing phone,
Perhaps it is a suppressed whisper,
That lingers and caresses,
Falling in your heart with momentary kiss,
That you were hoping to be eternal bliss,
Such is the Moods of seasons that impress
Weaving aching knots sewn by your seamstress!

Pause!

A Pause, to examine that broken part,

        A Toss, that flips between Mind and Heart!

  A Voice, that rises up from deep within,

   A Choice, that defines your inner feeling!

  A Noise, that still exists in the outer layer,

          A Poise, which you yearn in your daily prayer!

A Loss, which you fear will end in pain,

         A Cause, which you know will forever remain!

Pause…

Accept…

Savour..

   Let it be..!

Anchoring Descent!

Can you stop yourself while in the middle of a free fall?

Can you withdraw when you slowly step into a quick sand where the view of rain forest is perfect knowing you are sinking deep each moment?

Can you control the racing heart that seems to beat on its own rhythm controlled by an external force?

Can you stop yourself from not obsessing about the process of getting high that makes you feel alive?

It is during times like these that you need an anchor to hold on to. A reason to restrain. A reason to hold on to sanity.  

A moment of pause for self-preservation.

Self is deluded in free fall. The exhilaration, thrill, rush makes your senses disappear as you are not thinking about the final descent and lost in the beauty of the moment. The joy of thousand lives is lived in those few seconds that makes everything else immaterial, including life. The question is, can you find an anchor during that fall to prolong it?   To hold on to those “falling” moments?

More importantly, when you find an anchor, will you hold it long enough to pause without getting enamoured by the surrounding beauty and find a way to enjoy the scenery, warmth and gratitude for reaching those heights? 

A lot depends on your maturity in the climbing process and your ability to restrain.When you lose your restraint and loose your grip on your anchor and willingly let go off your foothold, you enter the zone of free fall. Free fall with hope!

Hope that you will reach your destination. Pure Faith! Pure Instinct with honest intentions!

It takes a lot of courage to let go as only one in a million land on their feet. For the rest, it’s an impending crash. And the part that’s broken is not made with bones.

Yet, we risk ourselves every time to climb, step by step, with a sense of déjàvu. Perhaps, the reason is that some people want to fly. They are suffocated by the predictability and safety cocoon of Earth and this climb for a jump, gives them a purpose.

A purpose to see the extraordinary in ordinary.

A purpose to live in a different plane that imbalances their soul equilibrium letting them know of its existence.

A purpose for the heart to feel alive in spite of breathlessness.

Self-preservation is for cowards. Restraint is for the fearful.  

Letting go is pure giving and giving in! The falling is wrought with grave danger, but, even if you are going to crash, there is those few seconds of bliss in descent. And for these optimistic hopeful climbers, that is better than dead-soul existence on the ground!

Yes! There is a possibility of broken hearts that might cripple them for life and kill their optimism to climb again. But, if you survive, with each broken fall, you understand your inner terrain better. You realize your missteps. Maybe you will gain the perspective to anchor yourself and enjoy the Sun next time. Maybe you will gain the insight to accept and stay on the ground and enjoy the mountains and sky from below. Just Maybe!

But there are those eternal searchers who will climb relentlessly each time, jumping, sooner or later; seeking their destiny and destination to land on their feet and hearts in tact!  That’s the day they will stop climbing; that's the day they will be content and peaceful having found their soul destiny on Earth! 

Sigh!

He Sighs
To Resuscitate himself,
As She keeps
Stealing his breaths,
Every time
He thinks of her!

Simmer!

Let it Simmer,

Let it Flow!

Don’t force it,

Don’t rush it!

Sink deep in you,

Seek the real you!

Watch you emerge,

Before you submerge!

Your restraint is sweet pain,

Your constraint is lost vain!

Your sighs fill you,

Your cries calm you!

It is slow and steady,

Measured Insanity!

Longer the Simmer,

Assured thy heart a winner!

Be the Sun!

You’re far away for a reason,

As She knows if you are near, it will be treason!

You soak her, in your rays,

But she can’t escape now, from her earth bound ways!

You are tempted, to cross the line,

But she knows her conflicted heart, cannot bear the pain!  

Your restraint, leads to silence,

Her duties flow, feeling your presence!

Your restless heart knows, the irrefutable fact,

Her melancholy smile says, it is our pact!

It’s love without ownership,

Why struggle for guardianship?

Your heart, has her place,

Be assured, of her space!

Give her, the right energy,

Watch her grow, with your synergy!

Shine on her, everyday,

Don’t impose on her, your every say!

Know your role, in this Universe,

Your joy comes, feeling her verse!

You are partial, to what makes your heart Sing,

Let her free, to watch her fly with wings!

Do your duty, as the Sun,

Sink in her beauty, as one!

This is a test, of your inner fire,

Carry her warmth, beyond your pyre!

Attraversiamo!

When you eliminate all the necessities and strip your self down to its bare bones, if you are left with just a word, you know that’s you! Unvarnished, raw,core essence of who you are. Sometimes, it’s more than a word,maybe two, rarely three but anything more than that is just a derivative or unnecessary! 

Words are universal and they strike a chord irrespective of the language. An “Om”(Absolute reality) could be the basic origin of all words to someone that connects them to their inner self! A “Maktub”(It is Written) could become a little boy’s guiding light in the dark to the realization of his dreams! An “Attraversiamo”(Let’s cross over together) could be your journey over to peaceful place within your self! And when things go downhill no matter how good you think you are, nothing says it better like “Shlimazl”!

Perhaps the most profound one’s are those that makes your lips curve and smile just by saying them,like,“Mellifluous”! You feel it flowing without any hurry yet elegant like a princess walking by with gait and balance and the right curves! You can’t say “Swasame”(Breath) without sinking your breath and letting it go with love. There are some fleeting emotions that arise and vanish in a second but have a way of melting in your conscious. Not many languages have a word for those moments but the people of Tierra Del Feugo, living in the southernmost tip of South America must know about vagaries of love more than any other culture. They have a word called “Mamihlapinatapei”. It means a look shared by two strangers who feel connected in an instant yet each one is hesitant to make the first move even though they know both of them want to.

The words of necessity makes us worry. Makes us petty. Makes us suffocate in ourselves. They take the beauty out of ordinary making us miss the extraordinary surrounding us. 

“Money”.

”Mortgage”.

”Salary”.

”Control”.

”Traffic”.

”Socks”.

”Deadlines”.

”Approval”.

On the other hand,words of desire,dreams and unconditional love, liberates us. Makes us pause. Makes us generous. Makes us capable. Makes us purposeful.

“Intimacy”.

“Wings”.

“Cuddle”.

“Puppy”.

“Hawaii”.

“Grace”.

The more we collect these gems, the more we are equipped to walk with our heart. Words are thoughts. Words are suggestions. Words are the fuel to our feelings. As you pick the right one, digging through all the junk inside you, buried under the layers of heaviness and feel it rising up, finding a way between the crevices of your ventricles, reaching your neck and jumping in waves from your throat,finally gushing out, being freed from your heart, you realize,you are lighter,happier with a content smile of having understood that word. When you see your listener smiling back for having received it, you know that word will now travel to spread the joy! Attraversiamo!

Inception - The Immersive Dream!

“It is on the whole probably that we continually dream, but that consciousness makes such a noise that we do not hear it!” – Carl Jung

The best way to judge an act is always ask yourself what you felt in the end.

If you felt exhausted and still deliriously happy, you know it was a memorable love making session. If you felt relieved, content and peaceful, you know your baby is fast asleep. If you felt a heated argument is getting resolved without saying a word, you know you are holding your lover in your arms. If you yell “Damn!” at the last scene with 100 other people and still scratching your head yet happy you managed to hold your feet through two hours and thirty five minutes grasping the concept in last half hour, it just means you have experienced Nolan’s “Inception!”.

To say Nolan is the combination of Cameron, Spielberg and Kubrick, wouldn’t be an understatement after watching “Inception”. Inception is a high stake, ensemble, heist movie of subconscious proportions that takes you through layers of dreams each with its own set of rules defying gravity and time continuum.

At the core of this ensemble is Cobb, played by Leo Dicaprio, who is fighting his own demons due to his wife’s suicide.Marianne Cotillard devlishly plays Mal, Cobb's wife living in his dreams. Ellen Page plays Ariadne, the architect of dream world. Joseph Gordon Levitt plays Arthur, Cobb’s right hand man. Tom Hardy plays a charming, witty Eames who can forge his appearance in dreams. Dileep Rao plays the chemist Yusuf whose potion induces heavy dream state while Ken Wattanabe plays Saito, an industrialist who is planning to plant an idea in Robert Fischer Jr’s mind(Cillian Murphy), the son of dying Energy company giant, that will lead to dissolving his competitor’s company.

Cobb and his team are experts at stealing ideas from someone’s mind but here, the job is to “plant” an idea that will germinate and dominate that person who will feel so strongly about it as he feels it is “his” idea. He feels it is his “Inception” of that idea. Leo convinces that he can do it and gets his team on this dream adventure.

One of the most quotable quotes from this movie is going be,

“What's the most resilient parasite? An Idea. A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules. Which is why I have to steal it.”- Cobb

Nolan doesn’t give you a moment to get used to his world. The movie starts with a meeting in dream world with characters you have no idea about. It moves at a breath neck pace and you are left wondering what the hell is going on. You are not quite sure if you are seeing events in dream world or real one but the slick cinematography, strong acting and urgency of the characters pulls you into those events and you go along with the ride. You realize Cobb is separated from his two kids in America and he is desperate to see them. Saito is making a proposal that’s hard to refuse but it’s dangerous. Michael Caine does his usual “I am the Master and you are my best spoilt student” routine and gives Cobb, Ariadne ,who is supposed to be even smarter than Cobb. You get to see some of the best natural, seamless, breathtaking effects as Ellen Page and Leo walk up the folded streets of Paris in their dream world training.

Unlike Matrix, where Lawrence Fishbourne takes you in to a training program and explains exactly what is happening with Agents and “real world”, Nolan, purposely doesn’t explain. He wants you to scratch your head, drop your jaw and stay confused. He teases your intellect and wants you to figure out his puzzle and maze. This is a huge risk and it will either make or break his movie but then, as the movie progresses, you get more information like you pull a person in his dream state into a constructed dream world by the architect of the team and you make the person believe it is “his” dream. Now, you can take this person below another level of dream where the two minutes in level one becomes 2 years and 20 years in level 3 and 40 years in Level 4.

YES! Dream within a dream within a dream within a dream!

The genius of Nolan is in making this an action adventure, showcasing events in each dream level where the slightest disturbance in one level, causes ripple effect in others causing the characters to levitate, fill with rain, fill with antibodies pushing the “artificial dream world ” out as mercenary armed fighters.

The charming characters, the inner demons of Cobb, the seamless effects that brings all the rules onto the screen will make the movie goers watch it again and again, decoding it, deciphering it and make it a classic!

Since the Matrix series, there hasn’t been an intelligent, complicated, high concept, entertaining movie like this. This is what makes Hollywood the “Dream Factory!”.

Watch it! Watch it again! And Close your eyes with caution!

Midsummer Mid-sentences!

Complication wasn’t new to her. She has been used to it since her teens. It is accepting simplicity that would be beneath her as voting for Republican Party. However this did not make sense. She grew up listening to Eurythmics constantly reminding her “Some of them want to use you…some of them want to be used by you”.

His straightforward responses, seemingly honest tone and unassumingly un-manly behavior has thrown her off her game. It was not supposed to be this way. He was meant to behave like every other asshole that gave her shelter. She expected their advances and allowed her dignity to be willingly pillaged as she locked her soul tightly until the storm was over. She knew the ritual. She knew the motions. She knew the rationale. The mind has a way of applying logic to its convenience and blocking every inner voice from your heart. She repeated the numbers inside her head. 509.508.507. It helped her calm down.

She knew her count.

She loved her Math. When the rest of normal people complain about it, she found it fascinating. The patterns, the logic, and the way seemingly unrelated equations get joined by faith and proven by assumptions that made sense to her senseless life. She could never understand how anyone can not love this beautiful language of equations that balances and unbalances at will yet it rears its head up at unexpected places like the tilted frame of her Mother that is held by the corner flower vase creating a unique triangle that would have made Pythagoras smile in jubilation. Numbers are real. Numbers don’t talk back. Numbers don’t take advantage.

She told herself to breathe. He is not like others. He is truly caring. It is my past sins that make me prejudiced. But he is still a man. A man with a dick. And she knew she couldn’t trust anyone with a dick. It is natural. It will happen eventually. Perhaps not today. Maybe not even a month from now but it is eventuality. It is only a value for X in the equation.  The impulse will take over. The hunt is in their blood. It is evolution. Prey them. Take them into confidence. Win their trust. Make them dependent. And then Pounce!   

It’s been over six hours. He hasn’t invited others to showcase her. He hasn’t opened her door and barged in. Count. Stop obsessing. Count. 357.356.355.

She knew her count.

And finally he came.She decided to let him. She felt his resolve weakening as he came closer. She counted down. Maybe he is innocent. 121.120.119. Maybe it’s not impulse. Maybe he means it as an expression of love. 44.43.42. Maybe he shouldn’t have sold young girls from Nepal as the encrypted files in his laptop shows. Maybe he shouldn’t have shouted “Fuck Me Bitch!” to that 14-yr old who came crying to me. She counted down. 03.02.01.

There were no more numbers. There was nothing left to do as she stared at him with her knife in his gut!

She knew her count. She added one more to it! 

Curse of a Maniratnam Movie!

To say I can watch a Maniratnam movie objectively is like asking Dick Cheney to assess Iraq War dispassionately. Nevertheless, I do have the power to call my other twin Gemini during these times to do the job. Before I start I have to give a little history lesson.

They say the impact to your senses in the first 20 years lays the foundation for the rest 50 years of your life. My movie life’s foundation was filled with Mouna Raagam at 11, Nayagan at 12, Agni Nakchatram at 13, Geethanjali at 14, Anjali at 15, Thalapathi (Dalpathi) at 16, Roja at 17, Thiruda Thiruda at 18 and Bombay at 20.

While I saw many movies during these times, inevitably Mani’s creations would stand apart. His movies were filled with intelligent characters, breathtaking visuals, women who spoke their minds and a sense of believability for the most part. His one-liners often conveyed what five paragraphs couldn’t convey.

Sample:

“I need to marry Saira Bhanu”-Shekhar

“Over my dead body”- Narayan(Shekhar’s dad)

“I can’t wait that long!” – Shekhar.

His range includes, Mouna Raagam, a silent emotional journey of a strong woman; Nayagan, an epic life saga of a young 10yr old boy till his 60’s; Agni Nakchatram, a struggle between two step brothers; Geethanjali, an intimate love story between two terminal patients. Anjali, a soulful, tragic story about an autistic girl; Roja, a crisp, tense, patriotic commentary on terrorism; Bombay, a topical, insightful and poignant story of a family caught in the midst of communal riots.

You call a movie a classic when it stands the test of time. It’s a classic when you find a new nuance to appreciate even after years. It’s a classic when you can’t find a flaw in terms of screenplay or acting even after you have grown past your adulthood. It’s a classic when your opinion of that movie still holds after your exposure to other great movies. Mani produced seven classics in a decade. And then he gave Iruvar, Alaipayuthe, and Yuva to add to that list(Thiruda-Thiruda,Thalapathi and Guru doesn’t qualify, Dilse, Kannathil Muthamittal came close but not quite there yet).

With such a track record, and my genetic lenience, I wait with bated breath for Mani’s movies. I ache for another Nayagan experience. I pray it is another Roja visually. I expect an elated feeling of having experienced a new world filled with strong-minded characters when I come out of the theatre.

Alas! With each recent Mani movie that doesn’t live up to his own standards, this Mani Fan feels let down for the lack of more classic additions from his repertoire!   

I don’t want Shahrukh Khan to die in the corner of no-man’s street after two and half hours of luscious beauty and mind-blowing song direction. I want him to die grandly in front of Republic parade saving the prime minister(Dil Se). I want Abhishek to turn good in Yuva after three hours of three different stories(Yuva). I don’t want to be confused if Kannathil Muthamittal is movie about adoption or Srilankan Tamil Fight or Adoptive Parent’s struggle. Mani is known for providing a clean single story arch. Not a confusing tricolor motives for his characters. I don’t want to wonder about what atrocities did Gurubhai commit by reading Ambani’s history. I want to see them on-screen without having to do my home work. I don’t want to assume the bad things that might have been done by protagonist(Raavanan). I want to be truly conflicted about protagonist and antagonist.

We are Maniratnam fans. We are nit picky. We are used to perfection. We demand a tight screenplay and flawless flow of scenes. We want to watch these movies year after year to relieve us from item songs, Mother sentiment, Cheating politicians, Mundane romance and Honest police officer fighting crime stories.

Is it Fair to expect perfection every time ? Absolutely Not!

But the thing is, when I am not impressed with Sachin’s batting, I know I only have to wait two months for his next dazzling display. When I am not impressed with Rahman’s Album, I only have to wait three months for his next musical innovation. When I am not impressed with a Mani’s movie, I HATE to wait 3 more years with the hope of it being another “Nayagan”!

So, my dear Mani, please, for this awful, small, intelligent legion of fans make a movie every year! I don’t need a Nayagan or Roja. I can live with more Guru’s as long as I get some movie moments from you to add to my collection!

Half Life Déjàvu!

If the average life expectancy is 70, I am half way there today. You keep hearing, “40 is the new 30”, “50 is the new 40”, but, somehow those statements are reserved for multiples of 10 only. When you are 35, you are still 35. The only high you get is moving to next census bracket and insurance risk level. However at times like these, you look to your life partner for assurance and she came through with flying colors today by gifting me a book titled, “ How to be an Adult”!

The trajectory of Birthdays are like playing with your best friend's little daughter. You are excited in the initial stages even though you are not adept at handling a 2 year old. As time passes by and she asks you to pick the same ball she has been throwing for the past 45 minutes, you realize the pain of serving a new master. When you get to 16,18,21,25, in spite of your career not going great and in spite of having a huge credit card debt, you are still excited and feel like the rest of life awaits you. The moment you hit 28 though, the big 30 starts sneaking up. You are supposed to feel empathy for others now. You are supposed to be “somewhere” in the next two years otherwise you are just another 30 year old with more debt and an okay career, which doesn’t seem to ever take off.

Turning 30 feels like all your bluffs are finally being called out. You really get serious about yourself. You begin to make amends. Casual Sex is dangerous. Buying a home is important. Constant Cussing is considered juvenile. Yearly medical check-ups are not optional anymore. In other words, your time to mess up is officially over.Compared to turning 30, 35 is not that bad except you are even more closer to 40. But then, if you manage to shed that extra 20 pounds, even if no one tells you, you can use the “My 40 feels like 30”(although those extra 20 pounds have been in your body since Citibank sent you a pre-approved credit card when you got out of college).

I just don’t understand why those who are born celebrate Birthdays. They didn’t contribute anything to that process. Technically, it is an occasion for your parent’s hard work (pun intended ofcourse). Your mom should be going, “I never thought I carried such a glue filled, gross looking thing in my belly for doing something fun. This will be the day I celebrate how I don’t have to see that thing in same state I gave birth to for rest of my life and losing all that baby fat”. I am sure the Parents who invite the whole world for those 1-2-3 birthdays are celebrating just to prove to rest of the world and pat themselves on their own backs that this evolutionary species is still alive and they haven’t sold it or dropped it enough to have psychological trauma(not everyone is that lucky).  

Maybe they should call Birthdays as (Death) Countdown days(year)! If average life expectancy is 70, when you are 10, you celebrate countdown year 60. When you are 20, it is 50. You are not so lucky when you are 35. Birthday and Countdown Day coincides! You are screwed in the middle! There is one upside though. Calling it Countdown Year will make more people stick to their resolutions for more than 3 weeks.

Perhaps the saddest part moving forward is, you cant say “F*** U” to the little 10yr old kid when he calls you “Uncle!”. For some reason, I always associated the word "Uncle" as someone with huge paunch(damn those 20 pounds), lazy(don’t ask my wife’s opinion on that) and generally talkative kinds who blabber about things you don’t give a rat’s ass about! F***! I have become a friggin Uncle!

Denial, my fellow brethren, is the root cause of happiness!
35 ? what 35 ? you mean Fahrenheit or centigrade ? 

"ONCE" Upon a Time!

“Once” , within the first five minutes, makes you forget whether you have an extra pair of clean socks for tomorrow’s work or whether you should leave the vessels in sink postponing dishwasher duty. 

It transports you into the streets of Dublin making you a part of struggling guitarist life playing for money as well as testing his skill in music. You smell the streets he is playing in and you feel the pain in his songs. The movie is shot in handheld camera which adds to the power of this extraordinary storytelling. 

The protagonist is not given a name, neither his love interest and you realize that you don’t care as you understand them at a deeper level in your heart. The story of “Once” is about a struggling guitarist’s friendship with a Czech woman who plays the piano and helps him with his lyrics. This friendship starts with the mutual admiration of talent with the guitarist asking at the end of first date if he could sleep with her. It is in this scene that you realize the depth of the characters, the awkwardness, elegance and our choices in times of loneliness.  The Czech lady rejects him without angry outbursts or sad storming out from his room. She tells him a simple, firmest, NO. The character of Czech lady is that of a simple, extremely straight forward, self contained,honest hardworking,realistic woman.  Marketa Irglova, the lady who plays the Czech woman, transcends beyond her nationality and reminds you why we watch movies. 

Having removed sex from the equation, the guitarist makes up for his lapse wanting a true friendship, learning she has a daughter and mother living with her. She helps him with his lyrics and they develop their unpretentious love for each other. 

Is it Love ?a shoulder to lean on each other ? creative energy  and mutual admiration of each other ? or just plain companionship in the lonely world ? Perhaps its a mixture of all those things that makes this movie GREAT! And every mood is captured in the songs they sing whose lyrics make you pause, reflect and quietly stirs your melancholy. 

Perhaps the Greatness of this movie lies in the fact that it is so strongly rooted in reality with the Guitarist still pining for his lost girlfriend and the Czech lady knowing she has a husband back in her home country,yet, you see this rare, connected, untarnished friendship that can be called nothing short of love develop between these two artists who has portrayed it so honestly that you are right there with them in every scene. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova truly lives their characters making you believe them every moment on screen and making you yearn for them to be together. 

The Guitarist records his album and goes to London for better opportunities. The Czech lady’s husband comes to Dublin. Their love lingers in their music through the piano the Guitarist gifted the Czech lady and you are left with a lump in your throat at the end yet you are happy for having been a part of their lives. 

Art is best when it imitates life! Life is empty without Art!

“Once” is pure art reflecting hard Life, hard choices, capturing tender moments that sink deep into our hearts long after the movie has ended! 

It is a rare gem that happens only “once” in a very long time!

 

Nodding Chair!

Nodding Chair! I used this phrase for first time, trying to explain the 20 members in the meeting room that it was not the sound of cuckoo being strangled by its neck but my chair scratching its butt..more precisely its leg on the floor!

For the rest of Hanuman tail meeting which is basically a meeting to talk about what we will do in future meetings, which is scheduled after three hours from this meeting, i wondered about “Nodding Chair” phrases. “Sleepy couch” sounds appropriate. It doesn’t belong to “Nodding Chair” oddity in its sound. I remember when my proficiency of the english language was less sophisticated than it is at present, my favourite used to be “Rotating Head” whenever i gotta migraine. 

While the Director was fudging the numbers and showing profit, i wondered about “Piss me off”. Sometimes when u got too much time and you have no access to caffeine, the strong, often times knowing reassuring phrases doesn’t make sense. How can u piss ME off ? and why would it be an irritating utterance ? If at all, it should be Piss me ON- so there is a threat that I might unzip and piss on him. But off ? that just doesn’t sound right. I think it must just  “Piss off” asking him to hold his piss. Now..that is one filling up..torture. Cheney, forget about waterboarding. Try “Water holding”. Serves them right for “pissing you ON”!

The English language ofcourse has other enticing, aesthetic, soul filling phrases. 

“O Thou invisible spirit of Wine,if thou hast no name,let us call thee devil” (written when Shakespeare tasted a cocktail of Martini mixed with two shots of rum, one shot of vodka and three shots of tequila, which Daniel Craig borrowed in Casino Royale). The Thou..hast..thee..lines are the best cure of insomnia. I recommend reading Doctor Faustus by Marlowe if Shakespeare can’t shake your eyes. People who spoke in those times must have been very polite. Although if you go through history, more people were killed during those times. I mean they carried their weapons in their hips..and rode horses. Imagine then..jumping up and down...without automatic secure lock for their guns. Riding their horses with lashes on the back of poor animal screaming “Hyah...! Hyah.....!” and then suddenly when the pissed ON horse jumps up “Dishooom....!”.

Their last words must have been “Thou..shalt fucked ye hast no balls but gunpowder smelleth..Amen!” 

Coming back to “Nodding Chairs”, “Scrotching Underwear” comes real close to perfect phrase to explain the scratching itch! All Superheroes have that problem..except the one true hero who showed how to avoid that problem....a la..Clark Kent...Superman..who eliminated the scrotch itch by shamelessly showing off his undies in front which made for in both speed and performance(lucky Lois Lane). If ever there was a running race err...flying race between Spider Man, Superman, Han-cock(maybe there is no hyphen there) and  Batman, the winner is scrotchless itchless underwear less(but Underwear front) Superman, hands down!

The next one is “Shaken but stirred”! Made famous by Mr.Bond..himself but more appropriate for California dwellers due to the constant earth quakes. Am sure the electronic retailers can borrow that and coin “Retuned but restocking fee’d”. I am sure the married brigade would re-phrase it as “Married but screwed!”. 

Perhaps the one phrase that still rings in my head to hold on and stare at my director who still thinks i am ACTUALLY intently listening inspite of my Mungerilal expression is, “Yes I CAN, TWO MORE MINUTES for Lunch!”

Rahmaniac Moments!

And the Golden Globe for Best Original Music Score goes to AR Ruumen!

They might have bungled the name. They might have been as surprised as everyone else knowing Clint Eastwood was in the nomination ballot. In the end, it was hindi music that resonated in Beverly Hilton last evening. AR Rahman representing over billion people accepted the award for his individual genius! A Rahmaniac moment that is now part of another proud Indian moment!

No! It is not an approval from west that we seek. It is more of an acceptance of talent at global level!

For 16yrs, Rahman has engulfed us with his music and strangely each one of us has our very own life moments entwined with Rahman’s music. At the end of day, it is not the awards that one remembers but how his music intersperse our very own life moments. Nostalgia wouldn’t exist without them.

I remember my first “Rahmaniac” moment.

It was 1992. For the first time in the history of my hostel, Eighty kids ranging from 7 to 17, are completely silent and transfixed at the TV screen for four minutes and twenty seconds. The song that was playing on screen was “Chinna Chinna Aasai(yeh hain chota sa)” song from Roja. A new kind of sound. A new kind of rhythm. A unique interlude. At the end of it, we were all smiling at each other. We knew we were transported into a new realm that we had not experienced before.

Every fun moment from there on with friends involved his beats, rhythms and mesmerizing tunes. There was water bottle throws with “Humma Humma”(Bombay) during India losing their world cup matches.  The blaring “Urvashi…Take it Easy”(Kaadhalan,Hum Se Hain Muqabla) from the corner tea shop directed at girls walking into college. Mindless Dancing on top of the theatre seat to “Tanha Tanha” (Rangeela) feasting on Urmila Matondkar running on the beach (a la desi Baywatch moment)! Whistling non stop to jiving girls in "Usilampatti PenKutty" in college festival! And finally, our very own “slumdog” moment with “Pettai Rap” in dorm room! College wouldn’t have been so memorable without Rahman!

When you are in love, Rahman’s melodies have a way of exploring deep into your own emotions that seems to move with the waves of his keyboard. The stillness and depth in “Nahi Saamne” (Taal), the sereneness in “Swasame”(Thenali) , the high notes mixed with aching voice in “Khamoshi Raat”(Thakshak) forms a perfect background to your own love story.

The summer of 2006 was unusually hotter in Atlanta than the previous summers. Taking refuge in the mall theatre, we settled on a heist movie, "Inside Man". There was a bunch of desi college kids who sat on the side row and wouldn't shut up even after the trailers started. However, as the movie started, there was a surreal, out-of-body experience for both of us. The sound and image on screen did not match each other. The sound was "Chaiyya Chaiyya" song going full blast in Dolby surround sound but the images are that of a van moving in Brookyl bridge with Clive Owen in it! As we looked at each other, the common indian bond stood up with pride as we clapped together, as if to tell everyone, "THAT'S OUR SONG"! 

A quintessential memorable moment made possible by Rahman! 

Perhaps the most profound Rahmaniac moment is how Rahman leaves you with a lump in your throat every time you listen to “Maa Tujhe Salaam”(thai manne vanakkam-Tamil)! After 22 years, I was displaced from my India to US . Without Rahman soothing this displaced soul with "Yeh Jo Des Hain Mera"(Swades), "Tamizha Tamizha"(Bharath Humko-Roja) and many others,life outside India wouldn’t be same!  

There are few indians who transcend and transport you by their sheer skill, patriotism and above all, weaving art from "heart"!

Tendulkar, Manirathnam and Rahman are those individuals for me! 

Go Rahman! 

Grab the Oscar for us! 

And even if you don't, A BIG Thank You for being part of our very own moments!

Tagged to Tell!

I am finally getting to a tag by Priyamvada. I apologize for the delay but I hope this makes up for it!

The most enticing part of this tag is that you really don’t have to think, “again”!

It is a link to post five of your previously written blogs relating to the keyword “5 people who you have already met on earth”...or is it five people who irritate you the most….umm...i think it is…five people you love to hate…lets just settle with five groups of folks...you are stuck with...some with choice...some without your choice. (Alrite...the keywords are Friends (your choice), Family (not your choice), yourself (stuck with it), your love (she is stuck with u) and anything you love (your escape pods)).

You always start with Family and Friends just to make them feel good for putting up with your bullshit!

The one that gives a window into my life is the one I wrote when I reached my big 30.

After watching the great many “last rites” scenes from “Gandhi”, “Indira Gandhi”, “Rajiv Gandhi” and “MGR” funeral, and also feeling morbid when I was admitted for Kidney stones (two jugs of beer apparently for the cure), I wrote “How many would attend your Funeral ?. Apart from these two, I rarely write about family or friends unless a tag from respected blogger forces me to oblige, like this one .

I don’t think I have written anything about me in a blog but the intelligent reader can always figure out who I am from all of my blogs and you all hope I become too famous so you can write a biography and make some money off it! (ohh...i love being narcissistic).

Blogs about love! Now, who can escape not aching in love, not wanting a certain kind of love, not cherishing the polarities in your love, not pining for your lost love, not pondering why certain triggers makes you breakdown in pain!

Love is a paradox with simple solution of accepting your self, loving your self and above all forgiving your self!

I am a pure Gemini which means you never know which twin you are going to meet at any given point of time!
Like any true desi, I love Cricket and I love Cinema!

The milestones in my life is remembered by the movies I watched in those years. I love to share my thoughts on movies that have been satisfying and not so satisfying!

I enjoy writing on things that are not so significant but they fill up our daily life!

I am also a passionate patriot (maybe Obama will borrow this line ;) )! I wonder about Desi and Un-desiness, the immigrant vacuum, the search for home, the search for Utopia, the root cause of racism. It is these epiphanies in your life that makes you move on with wonder and hope inspite of all the cynicism surrounding you!

Hope you enjoy these blogs as much as i have enjoyed sharing them!

I am supposed to tag 5 more people for this topic! All my old blogger friends rarely blog nowadays (like me)! Nevertheless, i will tag them to see if they come out of hibernation.
Pincushion,
Jessica,
Lotus Reads,
Purple Breeze,
Phantasmagoria.

Blindness of Color! Part One

It’s a poignant moment in the movie. You are enthralled and wondering who will be revealed as the traitor. And suddenly, you hear a huge laughter behind your seat. You turn to find three South-Asian college kids talking so loud that you wish you had your baseball bat with you. You tell them to be quiet which they don’t listen but the incident remains with you.

You are at a restaurant where the African-American waitress doesn’t give you the service you deserve. In fact, she is not only giving you a poor service but also condescending. You realize your evening with the family has just been ruined.

You enter the best retail store for suits. Three Caucasian men pass by without offering to help you but you notice they are attending to people who have entered the store after you.

You are standing on a red light and an illegal Hispanic driver halts to a screech and hits your bumper. He has no insurance and your insurance company raised your monthly rates for no fault of yours.

Every instance above has nothing to do with race but somehow they end up being everything to do with race.

When you live in a multi-cultural environment, there seems to be an invisible scorecard against each race. Our lenses are filled with collective prejudices and stereotypes which seem to make a constant impression on our psyche no matter how much we try.

For long I have wondered,
What is defined as racism?
Who should be called as racist?
Why do we judge people?
Is it Narrow mindedness?
Or is it harsh truth?

As you dig through the layers of your psyche, you reach the core of your existence and analyze how you judge people. What is the key factor that determines your judgment? What makes you trust someone and loathe someone else?

Like a man who didn’t turn back and realized he had a tail all along, it hits you!

Patterns!

Patterns of behaviors.
Patterns of faces.
Patterns of experience.

It is patterns that make you like certain faces instinctively. It is patterns that make you wary about certain others. Instincts are developed by past patterns.

Every experience deposits goodwill or ill will. You soak the person’s color, origin, height, weight and his “energy meter” with you with each experience. As you grow, this pattern database grows building your internal “prejudices/stereotypes” based on your “limited” experience. Among these interactions with other race (even your own), some are people you know and some you don’t. When you don’t know the person, the only attributes that gets into your database are his/her physical features including color.

What every person belonging to any race doesn’t realize is that, there is a social ripple effect when they behave badly. When they behave badly in public, the ripples are larger. They might be sowing the seeds of discontent for first time in someone’s mind or reassuring someone’s already prejudiced experience with that race. It is not necessary that racial judging happens only with someone from other race. People in the same race loathe at the behaviour of their own kind as they worry they will be branded the same way. Bad public behaviour accelerates racist tendencies more than anything in this world.

Is it possible not to judge someone by their color when you know there is a big reservoir of experiences and opinions from your own life regarding them? Not initially. That someone has to prove beyond doubt that they don’t fit the pattern in your head. You are forced to prove to them that their idea of generalization is wrong. I don’t blame them for assuming “I will also fit a certain pattern according to their experiences or knowledge or lack of it regarding a certain race”. But I will be disappointed if they continue to judge me based on it, inspite of proving otherwise. Now, that person is what I would call a “Racist”. Someone who can’t get beyond his initial prejudices, and see the person for who he really is!

Perhaps that is the challenge. To be open minded inspite of our personal experiences and give every individual a chance they deserve irrespective of where they come from and retain the awareness that every seed has the potential to grow different and bigger and stronger than its previous generation.

We can’t get rid of the patterns but we can be aware of the fact that your patterns and reasoning have holes in them. You don’t have to judge every individual based on it and give everyone a fair chance!

At the end of day, we are all Humans!