13 December 2005
A sense of clueless ness where your mind is under a grip of aching want that you quite don’t know what it is but you feel it pervading you, immersing you into a state of inertia where all purposes seem pointless and you know, you are LOST!
Feeling lost,perhaps, is the most lingering emotion of our life that doesn’t get as much importance as “Happy” or “Sad” yet you seem to endure it as much as them. Is feeling lost, being sad? Not in the complete sense but there is sadness for the loss of things you have and more importantly, the things you don’t have. A Yearning. A Desire. A Need for a particular kind of person, particular lifestyle, an acceptance in the way you like it! It is strange to see how you can lose something that you don’t have. But what the mind can conceive and perceive, it tricks us into believing we can have them even though it has not transmuted into reality. And that’s where the loss for the things/people you don’t have comes from. A disconnect between the mind, heart and reality.
Being lost wasn’t such a bad thing when you were young. It had that sense of adventure, sense of awe and above all, you were never afraid at heart. You always knew you would find your way back. There is also that phase where your career is not taking off or you don’t find the job you’re looking for. But this lost feeling has hope even though at times you feel angry and agitated. And you have age by your side then. You know if you fall down, you have enough time to get up and keep running. But the worst kind is, feeling lost when you are made. A stage where certain things have a sense of inevitability about them and you can’t shake the applecart because you are sunk half way into the ground. Lost without hope of recovery!
You live out of your roles. You live out of yourself with your mind constantly preoccupied with yearning for the things you lost – without having them! You can sense how slowly you caved in to giving up your dreams without trying. How you don’t have the courage to make the hard decisions because your life yarn is intertwined with so many others and one selfish act can rip many. How you have cocooned into that existence without really living and always feeling your mind someplace else. You’re just standing still clueless as life passes by you and you look for a calling, hoping one day you will find it and find peace.
Who knows? Maybe the very things you are looking for is in the very place you are trying to run away from! If only you can stop feeling lost!
Pic Source: http://away.com/photos/behind_image/abrahm_lustgarten/china-gobi-march.html