13 December 2005

Lost!


A sense of clueless ness where your mind is under a grip of aching want that you quite don’t know what it is but you feel it pervading you, immersing you into a state of inertia where all purposes seem pointless and you know, you are LOST!

Feeling lost,perhaps, is the most lingering emotion of our life that doesn’t get as much importance as “Happy” or “Sad” yet you seem to endure it as much as them. Is feeling lost, being sad? Not in the complete sense but there is sadness for the loss of things you have and more importantly, the things you don’t have. A Yearning. A Desire. A Need for a particular kind of person, particular lifestyle, an acceptance in the way you like it! It is strange to see how you can lose something that you don’t have. But what the mind can conceive and perceive, it tricks us into believing we can have them even though it has not transmuted into reality. And that’s where the loss for the things/people you don’t have comes from. A disconnect between the mind, heart and reality.

Being lost wasn’t such a bad thing when you were young. It had that sense of adventure, sense of awe and above all, you were never afraid at heart. You always knew you would find your way back. There is also that phase where your career is not taking off or you don’t find the job you’re looking for. But this lost feeling has hope even though at times you feel angry and agitated. And you have age by your side then. You know if you fall down, you have enough time to get up and keep running. But the worst kind is, feeling lost when you are made. A stage where certain things have a sense of inevitability about them and you can’t shake the applecart because you are sunk half way into the ground. Lost without hope of recovery!

You live out of your roles. You live out of yourself with your mind constantly preoccupied with yearning for the things you lost – without having them! You can sense how slowly you caved in to giving up your dreams without trying. How you don’t have the courage to make the hard decisions because your life yarn is intertwined with so many others and one selfish act can rip many. How you have cocooned into that existence without really living and always feeling your mind someplace else. You’re just standing still clueless as life passes by you and you look for a calling, hoping one day you will find it and find peace.

Who knows? Maybe the very things you are looking for is in the very place you are trying to run away from! If only you can stop feeling lost!

Pic Source: http://away.com/photos/behind_image/abrahm_lustgarten/china-gobi-march.html

33 comments:

Fizo said...

ah! dRama..what a blog! where were you? was a trifle worried about where you and your blog disappeared..so you were 'lost' eh? :-p

neways could see myself empathizing with the thoughts..its the worst kind of being lost I guess when you can't do anything about err..being lost...*sigh*

beautiful blog..wonderful thoughts..as always!!

cheerios!

Reshmi said...

aargh! don't do this to us rama!:P
prespective is such a strange thing. upsets or sets right as and when it pleases :)

have u read "the alchemist" ? the last few lines reminded me very much of it. i have gotten into the habit of reading it whenever things stop making sense.

SeaSwallowMe said...

"..and you look for a calling, hoping one day you will find it and find peace.."

maybe this business of looking for (and finding) a calling is cranked up to be more than it's worth.

it's a funny feeling - this "unsettledness". i don't know about you, but it has a way of sneaking up sometimes on me, unannounced, in that hour between complete sleep & when i actually wake up. a few days ago, i was almost about to blog on similar lines. the 4:13am blues.

Jyotsna said...

Feeling lost to me is nothing but searching for something that eludes..It is there but we never do see it unless the time is right..
it struck me when i saw the striking picture and your post!
:)

Ardra said...

there u're atlast! Found you!
and its so much less complicated posting comments here :-) That other place sniggered at my attempts! hmmmppffff...

many times, I've felt the same feeling- but then rama, I've this belief in Fate/Destiny- and most of those times I'm able to reconcile with this feeling that what is to be will be- and what will not be will not- it works for me- of course, I try not to use this philosophy as an excuse for inaction- but I like it...and it has helped me...

these last couple of days, I've been led to no man's land on cyberspace upon clicking u'r link on blogroll- and I thought to myself that I'll go to some other site that had blogrolled you and may be will lead me to wherever you had gone- and LO! I stumble into u'r post on DSS! See what I mean?
Best Wishes
ardra

Ardra said...

but u lost all the comments to u'r prev posts?

small squirrel said...

Sometimes I like being lost. I seek it out. It is somehow comforting to me to be buried, to be floating, to be... nothing. I can understand that this feeling is *not* comforting when you do not bring it on yourself. Make where you are your own, and then you are no longer lost.

wonderful thoughts, ramchi.

MotoRama said...

Hey Everyone,
Thanks for dropping by in my new abode.I lost my old blog and the comments as i was fiddling with new name in 20six!I was lucky enough to have a copy of old writings although i was extremely sad at the loss of valuable comments on them. Nevertheless i have decided to start over in new place here as writing is addictive and cathartic!

MotoRama said...

Hey Fizarsi!
Hope ur doing well!Lemme go and check out your reviews and stories!Thanks for remembering!

Hi Reshmi,
Losing oneself in a book while being lost sounds like wonderful idea.Maybe i will start with 'The Alchemist'.


Hey SSM,
LOL!You're right..it sure doesn't seem to be worth it...but i guess we get that realization almost always after the fact :).Can imagine the 4am lonely,weird,strange thoughts running through your head!

Hey Jyo,
WoW!That sounds more like it..the time to see the purpose of it all..i will wait for my time to come..give my love to Ananya!

Hey Ardra,
Thanks for looking for me...ur words does seem karmic..but then..to believe in karma/destiny takes a lot of acceptance of your situation for which i think i need some more years...sorry about the old comments..technology i guess..is only as good as the people implementing it..

Hey Jess,
WHOA!
I need to memorize those lines..
"Make where you are your own, and then you are no longer lost."..Thanks for dropping by..

Misreflection said...

Great post..and the rest of your blog too.. some amazing pics too , the puppies ooohhh just melts my heart.. will be back to read more..:)

ps: being lost is something that's so normal yet people tend to shy away from admitting it.. The beauty of being lost is the finding again... only to be lost again .. and so the cycle goes on and on.. to me its just life.

Chay said...

How does one find oneself if he/she is not lost.....

Rama this post could not have come at a better time....Have been thinking about the sense of loss....a strange consuming grief that I notice in everyone's eyes...Its almost as though an important link is missing from everyone's life...the link between the soul and the heart....it is crippling, this disconnect....

and I thought I was alone....guess everyone is trekking towards themselves and their true purpose....

hope you are well Rama.... :-))

Sriharsh Mallela said...

lovely post...The way i relate to your post is that this feeling of being lost arises from a mismatch in our expectations , dreams and image. We all have this inherent motivation to compare , size up and match our present with our peers or our past. So at present i have this certain image of what i will be 20 years from now but when i actually reach that age things would be a lot different than what i had percieved it to be and therein lies the disconnect. So even though i might be doing well for myself in the eyes of my peers , there is discontent since i had not seen myself in this position in the past and the feeling that i am lost. So this feeling of being lost transpires as a side effect of coping with change in roles and responsibilities which you never expected to encounter.
cheers :))

W-Bix said...

i am ALWAYS lost Moto! :) Sometimes i find myself and get so happy and boom, lost again. Then too, i do not mind being lost so much. It keeps me moving, searching for idontknowwhat! Somehow settling into the definite thought of 'i know what i want, who i am, where am headed'... it just doesnt ring right.

Viewer said...

Hey thanks for dropping by my blog ....

Well some of the things u have mentioned in this post which I can really relate to it very well but i Guess that is LIFE

MotoRama said...

Thanks Misreflection!The puppies pic belongs to Pallavi.

I am good Chay!Thanks for inquiring. Saw abt ur Banglore Meet and was extremely JEALOUS(naah...).

I just hope it is just a state(being lost) and we find our way back soon before it becomes a sad existence!

Whoa!That sure sounds like 'spot on' Sriharsh!Maybe it's the resistance to accept what you have wholeheartedly!

Your welcome Viewer!Yup..just another state of emotion that as Misreflection says..'we rarely admit to'!

shyloh said...

So beautiful. And thank you for your kind comment on my poetry.

Aloha

Gangadhar said...

Hey first time here..Fantastic pic here..I liked it verymuch...
Btw gud to see you on my blog...welcome,mate!!

Pincushion said...

This made me think a lot, I can identify with what you've said..especially the bit about loosing what you don't even have! Its such a contradiction in terms and yet it is so real..but its like building castles on quicksand and its bound to sink sometime..the feeling lost feeling comes from knowing it and yet not being able to help oneself from building those castles all over again! Ahhh us humans! :))
Hugggs!

MotoRama said...

Thanks Shyloh,Gangadhar!Hope you keep coming back!


Hi Pins,
"Castles in quicksand"..says so much more...warm huggs..get well soon!

idli ideas said...

hey...i recently read this somewhere...

a man who travels around world in search of something comes back to his home to find the thing there.

Parvati said...

Perfect!
Perfect is the content: about such a true and universal a feeling experienced by all of us some time or the other, if not all the time; as is the way you have written /presented it!
Thanks.

Shpriya said...

Ramchi22
has another id 2
Lost and found Motorama
who waz then Rama the Drama
(kandupidichen kandupidichen \:D/ )

The Individualist said...

Exactly. I could ask myself the number of times I've made a decision for myself and the number of times I've made a decision taking myself off the factors influencing the decision and putting in the people around me, the people who apparently I thought mattered to me at that specific point in life, into the factors and did, what everyone calls a sacrifice. They preached sacrifice provides you with comfort and happiness. And whoever is around and reading, read this and remember. Sacrifice is the worst of the thingss that a human mind could ever imagine and dream of. And self-sacrifice is the worst of the things that a human mind could ever fathom. When you call 'A' a selfless being, you are not hailing A as praiseworthy but as the opposite. As the despicable. Selflessness does not give out happiness. It will only result in what 'motorama' has called that feeling of being lost. And as you grow older, you will feel it more and more till you succumb into the vortex in a feeling of hopelessness, desolation and disgust at life. Make decisions for yourself. Be firm in what you want. Never depend on others for your happiness. Make reason your absolute. Make productive achievement your aim. Your happiness as the purpose of your life. Not someone else's. Cherish that original happinesss that you had. That happiness of being alive. Talk when you have to. Live for yourself and not for anybody else. Happiness will come to you as long as you have no non-contradictory values.

MotoRama said...

Hi Idli Ideas(that's a funny blog name),
That sounds like an interesting story..let me know where u read it..i will try to lay my hands on that book(assuming it is a novel).

Thanks for that generous appreciation Parvati!

Hi ShPriya,
They are all my lovable cousins ofcourse :) I thought u knew i was here..glad u found me!

Thanks for your perspective on the topic,Individualist!

topkapi said...

Lovley post, rama-d...especially the 3rd para. On a good day, i feel there is something to be said for being grounded ( sunken applecart and all) and gradually learning what gives you joy in this life - with its inevitable committments and responsibilities. On a not-so-good day however, i realize i've lost that clear and feckless attitude to life and its possibilities - ahh..you win some, you lose some.

MotoRama said...

Hey Topkapi!
Thanks for dropping by!For some strange reason i was reminded of that last dialogue in "My Cousin Vinny"..."You Win some..Lose some.." in that Judge's tone!

d.K.m said...

I am lost and if any of u bump into me.. you are too :P

Wonderful writing!

MotoRama said...

Thanks Kishore!

UMA said...

...A Yearning. A Desire. A Need for a particular kind of person, particular lifestyle,...

AS LONG AS ONE KNOWS WHAT IS MISSING FROM ONE'S LIFE...ANYTHING IS ATTAINABLE ...BUT ONE SHOULD TAKE THE INITIATIVE IN MAKING IT HAPPEN!! AGREE?

MotoRama said...

I think there are two parts to it Uma. One is identifying it and the other is whether u can do anything about it.I think when your life is intertwined with so many other factors, it just boils down to acceptance, so you can have peace with the situation or you should have enormous courage to do something about it.Just my 2cents.

Uma said...

The eternal dilemma of acceptance/change ?!.Thanks for your 2 cents.If you dont mind,
"Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch yours words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny"
and watch your t.p. blog; optimists cant keep from commenting!!
t.p.:thoght provoking fyi
Paulo Coelho---
‘when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.Agree??

Anonymous said...

good to know someone has gone thru the same phase at around the same age :)...makes more sense how you so easily understand, interpret and advice on these newly found "lost" paradigms of life....

Anonymous said...

and...(in addition to the previous comments)...i am glad to see many of your followers are Alchemist fans....its a legend, a tablet to live life by....pretty much....

- Nia