"We are going to be seeing lot of desi’s today." The very sentence from my wife subconsciously takes my body to Orange alert level.(Damn Tom Ridge!). Why? Just Why? They are your own folk. Your own blood and some of them, from your own place. Aren’t you happy to be seeing them? Yes...and on second thought... No! Yes, bcoz I might see someone in my own frequency...which is as rare as Sunny Deol delivering a dialogue under 10 decibels..(dude...don’t think too much of urself...).No, bcoz the remaining 95% of people I meet, emanate unpleasant "desi-aura".
Is it the unabashed stare that scans u from top to bottom like airport security personnel?
Is it the stern, un-smiling faces that walk past you when u r in the middle of a smile with ur jaw half opened to say Ho...w before swallowing the rest ?
I decided to settle this queasy feeling by deciding to define what are the things that makes a desi…undesi…(which right now is vice versa in my head). Maybe oneday...(Utopia?) people might say…if the following things are NOT seen in a person, then he must be a desi…
Not ask someone how much they earn ?
Not ask someone what caste/religion they belong to ?
Not judge someone by the amount of money he or she makes..
Not put Rangoli outside their apartment to prove their identity..
Not take Dowry…and even worse gloat about it…
Not talk in their own-native-language in front of someone who has no clue about their language
Not segregate men and women in a party…(all women inside...all men in patio...just don’t dare to cross that border)
Not grind another desi in an interview until he reaches a breaking point to say.."I don’t know" and then smile having proven their "intelligence"…
Not talk loudly in a theatre...
Not throw all their guard down when they enter desi area/movie…(what’s up with kids running in the theatre…get a babysitter or don’t go to the movie)
Not scream in their cell phone while talking in a public place…
Not brag they are related/know someone popular or "influential"…(who give’s a rat’s ass about it anyway except another "undesi" ? )
Not talk just about their kids, food , family and husband/cricket …(in that order..)
Not gossip about another desi…
Not wear Lungi/Dhoti and walk to Walmart…
Not claim they know something when they have no clue about it…
Not invite someone because they want to get invited…
Not speed and overtake the moment u see a desi woman driving the car..
Not keep count of every act as a debt to repay…(isn’t it ur turn to gift us ?)
Not get offended when someone has a different opinion than theirs…(Can you believe he doesn’t like Aamir Khan’s acting ?)
Not poke their nose in someone else’s affairs…
Not think the only way their son/daughter can repay is by marrying the spouse of their choice...(Art of emotional blackmailing...by Indian Parents)
Not always protest…for the sake of protesting without trying to understand the facts...(ransacking a theatre for showing movie "Girlfriend"? Puhleese... )
Not share the pictures of their prospective spouse to everyone..(and worse..ask other’s opinion about them)
Not patronize other desi’s because they are elder…
Not give poor customer service…because ur just another "DESI" !!!
Not always feel the urge to showcase their supposed intelligence…
Not talk about Web services at a dinner party…
Not think some movie Hero is God...and his word is gospel..(okay...lemme hide from the Rajinikanth fan club…members of US)
Not "Stare-Stare some more-take a walk and then Stare again" when a desi woman is dressed in westernized clothes in a mall or farmer’s market…
Not screw another desi at work…
Jeez..the list just doesn’t seem to end…am sure y’all can find more to add to the list.
The crux of the issue is that I wish a lot of desi’s would be decent in their behavior, broader in their outlook on things, be courteous and respect their own folk(myslef included)…and agree to disagree respectfully!
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