08 December 2005

How many would attend your FUNERAL ?!!!



Questions like these pop in your head when you’re brought into ER room at 3am for Kidney stones and you are screaming in pain at a scale of 12 on a 10 point scale and the ER-nurse is busy counting the number of letters in your long-desi-name asking you in that southern accent, “Is it r-a-m-a-sh-aan-d-ar-en?” and all you can muster to reply is, “Gimm-eee…daaaa…F&%#@# morphineeee!”.

Once the ER-special episode is over and you slowly slip into that unconscious and see a glowing light slowly approaching you, you wonder, how many would really attend if you were to die NOW!

Serious question but remote possibility for kidney stones, but then, we Indians, tend to be overtly emotional and sentimental even for urine test(which some of us confuse for sperm sample since they just give the plastic cup never explaining what it is for!).

So, the count begins.

My wife (1) – Obvious choice! If she has tolerated me for a decade, she sure can tolerate the funeral expenses for one more extra week.

My Mom (1) – Since she is on vacation in US and her visa doesn’t expire until March of next year.

Friends at Work (10-20) – Will probably declare a holiday for my department but considering “Clients come first”, I think it would just be my region in the department.

Friends in Atlanta (10–20) – Since many have enjoyed my rhetoric on “Why apathy is the root cause of all evil” or why it helps your heart to say “Yes Dear” in the long run!

Friends in US (5-7) – Depending on rates at airtran.com or southwestern.com on the funeral day!

Relatives in US (1-2)—Can depend on at least one of the two cousins to turn up and the other one depending on whether he decides to pick his cell phone after seeing the caller-id!

People from India(1) - Don't expect anyone other than my brother to spend and come for my funeral!

That’s it? Is that all? Is it really over? Am I missing any more categories?

So, if I die today, I have been able to piss-off, cause pain, irritate, bring joy, pour sarcasm, and give love only to minimum of 29 and a maximum of 51 people?

Damn! And here I was, thinking, it would be at least 100!

Maybe I should spend more time in the real world giving more reasons for people to miss me when I am gone (or carry my body to India and say free food to 100 people in my will)!

Pic source: http://www.rantmorgan.com/howto/death/death.jpg

6 comments:

Parvati said...

@Motorama: Ideally, if you want infinite number of loving, affectionate and caring friends to attend your funeral, the solution is very simple - you just have to give all their contact emails or blog addresses to your family or close friends to inform them of your death.

They will throng your funeral, and your city will burst at the seams.

Instead of trying to live in the real world which you have neglected because of the lure of the virtual one, make the blog world realler by giving each other phone numbers etc so that people will know of your death when they see you absent from your blog and call up to enquire.

A crazy post deserves a crazier comment!

MotoRama said...

Not a bad idea,Parvati!

Prat said...

if you were within arms reach, i would surely have hit you nicely for writing this.
{mumbles profanity}

Perri Lauren said...

or, you just touch everyone youve come into contact with in your entire life, and then more people will talk about you, use your name and then you will become something. and if you have a higher mission in life the right people will find YOU and you will make a lasting impression on the world. thank god for tv, news and google. otherwise you really can ONLY touh those you speak with directly. they can only experience you in that way. now, with modern technology, you can touch millions of lives. thats what great actors do, great musicians, GREAT ANYTHING who use their talents to benefit others. basically, here is my analagy...ask almost anyeone and they will KNOW hmmm martin luther king is dead...
ask people across the country if they know if ..sara weiss died, and 1/gazillion people dont know. THATS FAME. being remembered by more and for ALLLL the right reasons.

Perri Lauren said...

so you dont have to leave your contact. just through life, create a LIFE WEB. thats the word for it. and then when you do die.. enough people CAN AND WILL get the news out.

MotoRama said...

i dont blame ya,Prat :)

Pierre Lauran,

Couldnt find ur blog..but ur life webb sounds more lie "Pay it forward" movie..good idea! Although i have to tell u..my initial response to "u need to touch everybody" was.."if only they were pretty" ;) . Thanks for dropping by.