08 December 2005
How many would attend your FUNERAL ?!!!
Questions like these pop in your head when you’re brought into ER room at 3am for Kidney stones and you are screaming in pain at a scale of 12 on a 10 point scale and the ER-nurse is busy counting the number of letters in your long-desi-name asking you in that southern accent, “Is it r-a-m-a-sh-aan-d-ar-en?” and all you can muster to reply is, “Gimm-eee…daaaa…F&%#@# morphineeee!”.
Once the ER-special episode is over and you slowly slip into that unconscious and see a glowing light slowly approaching you, you wonder, how many would really attend if you were to die NOW!
Serious question but remote possibility for kidney stones, but then, we Indians, tend to be overtly emotional and sentimental even for urine test(which some of us confuse for sperm sample since they just give the plastic cup never explaining what it is for!).
So, the count begins.
My wife (1) – Obvious choice! If she has tolerated me for a decade, she sure can tolerate the funeral expenses for one more extra week.
My Mom (1) – Since she is on vacation in US and her visa doesn’t expire until March of next year.
Friends at Work (10-20) – Will probably declare a holiday for my department but considering “Clients come first”, I think it would just be my region in the department.
Friends in Atlanta (10–20) – Since many have enjoyed my rhetoric on “Why apathy is the root cause of all evil” or why it helps your heart to say “Yes Dear” in the long run!
Friends in US (5-7) – Depending on rates at airtran.com or southwestern.com on the funeral day!
Relatives in US (1-2)—Can depend on at least one of the two cousins to turn up and the other one depending on whether he decides to pick his cell phone after seeing the caller-id!
People from India(1) - Don't expect anyone other than my brother to spend and come for my funeral!
That’s it? Is that all? Is it really over? Am I missing any more categories?
So, if I die today, I have been able to piss-off, cause pain, irritate, bring joy, pour sarcasm, and give love only to minimum of 29 and a maximum of 51 people?
Damn! And here I was, thinking, it would be at least 100!
Maybe I should spend more time in the real world giving more reasons for people to miss me when I am gone (or carry my body to India and say free food to 100 people in my will)!
Pic source: http://www.rantmorgan.com/howto/death/death.jpg