08 December 2005
Is being Good,being Boring ?!!!
If being good is being predictable and being predictable is always boring, are good people, boring? Of course, first we have to define what “good” is and we all know that definition differs from everyone. Let’s take relationships. If a husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, boyfriend/boyfriend and girlfriend/girlfriend (just to be politically correct) share everything they have between them, just to show that they “love” each other or to say,” I tell you everything, now its your turn”, what’s the surprise? Wouldn’t the relationship become stale after few years?
Someone w(v)is(c)ely said, ”A man without vices is a man without virtues”. If a good man is someone without vices, should we conclude that he doesn’t have too much virtue? Vices definitely give purpose to relationships. Without the drama of trying to get rid of vice in the other partner, it’s just salad without the dressing. It might be good for health but would you taste it everyday of your life? Life is about solving the mysteries, a journey to understand the puzzle, an exploration more than the destination. And in these “tell all” relationships, over a period of time, it becomes “know all” which sets the rote that leads to boredom. Perhaps the biggest paradox in relationships is that women love surprises yet they want to “know” their man fully. And when they understand him fully, they don’t want him anymore since the guy is so predictable and therefore no surprises! While there is a comfort in knowing what your man is going to do, if the man is not willing to stray from expected behavior, the relationship will become the peak-hour traffic at I-285, crawling at snail’s pace. Secrets in a relationship lead to Mystery about the person. Mystery leads to Unpredictability. Unpredictability leads to Curiosity. Curiosity increases Anxiety. Anxiety increases Heartbeats. And when your heart beats faster, it leads to Passion in the relationship.
Does that mean people in relationships need to have secrets to sustain the interest? Yes, as long as the secret is not about an affair or their sexuality. That would be a surprise surpassing all your expectations. When familiarity breed’s contempt, when routines consume your life, when habits become necessities, it’s important to surprise yourself by doing something you would never do! Both for you and your partner!
To me, people who are good are usually “Safe” players. They like routine. They like rules. They work 9 to 6.They have fixed roles for their lives. Wife, Kid, Father, Friend. They trust the news on TV. They are hospitable to a point of ‘beyond self’. They follow the life’s time-table to have a kid before 30,keep the job, follow their parent’s advise even at 40. They are contended simple human beings without too many complexities. Is there anything wrong in it? Absolutely not! Just not the kind of person i would choose to be in a long-term relationship!
So, Don’t be Good! Don’t be too bad! Be Unpredictable! Surprise your partner!